Most of you know Big Hitter as our first reader/commenter, and also as the only reader/commenter who we can be assured won’t kill us one day (unlike this guy). But in the spirit of Fan Appreciation Week, there is a lot more about “El Bateador Grande” that you don’t know but should…
That picture really doesn’t have a point or a connection to the theme. I just thought it was funny. The worst possible scenario is you show up at the feminbration and get your manhood cut off. Best case scenario? ”Not Gina, it’s Gina. What’s up. Listen, I’m going to be real honest with you. It’s been a long time since I’ve been with a man. I spent a lot of time with the “ladies” and I’m lookin’ to get back up on that pogo stick. You know what I’m sayin’? If we could get together and you could tuck your sack back, it would make the transition a lot easier for me.”
Let’s try again…
Like I said, Big Hitter was the first and least crazy of our 4 fanboys. Our first #1 stunna, if you will. He stuck with us through the lean years, although quite frankly we aren’t exactly feasting now, know what I’m sayin’? He stuck wit us. He was recently awarded The Nobel Awesome Prize for Bottom Poster Emeritus by the FaF Nobel Committe for Excellence In Innovation and Awesomeness (by me, just now). The Nobel Awesome prize is like the peace prize or the economics prize except much more awesome.
Let me tell you a bit more about Big Hitter:
Big Hitter killed Biggie AND Tupac. Screw Eastside and Westside; Southside 4 Life!
Big Hitter was offered the head golf coach position at UH. He turned it down because he doesn’t believe in “scholar-athletes”. He didn’t need “books” to ace med school, and neither should the pansy-ass golf team.
Chris Brown (the singer) was just trying to live up to Big Hitter’s example. What? Too soon?
Big Hitter drinks out of a boot. But he does not shoot said boot.
Big Hitter wears Santa outfits in August. Because he killed Santa and took his damn suit, that’s why.
Big Hitter doesn’t “have sex” or “make love”. He repopulates.
Big Hitter doesn’t get sunburnt. The sun gets Big Hitter-burnt.
Big Hitter is naturally left-handed, but plays golf righty to give everyone else a fighting chance. He’s like Inigo Montoya that way.
Brett Michaels wrote “Every Rose” about Big Hitter. Brett Michaels has never even met Big Hitter, he just saw his picture once.
The Pope offered his job to Big Hitter, but Big Hitter turned it down because it would have hurt the feelings of Buddhists. Big Hitter is a man of peace.
Big Hitter actually came very close to acheiving world peace in BC 650, but God asked him to hold off for a few thousand years. BH is a team player like that.
November 25th is “Big Hitter Day” in most African countries.
It’s Bayou Bucket week, where is all the coverage FaF? Come on… you guys suck! You need to cover more Coogs, and less Texans/Rockets/Darts leagues/curling teams/Frolf. I want to hear about how the Cougars are pissed and are determined to win the bucket back.
You complained, so we responded with more Bayou Bucket coverage. In fact we hired a team of Walruses (walrii?) to search for our bucket.
That alliteration is so clever, I should win a Pulitzer or a Webby or something. Bow to your sensei!
For those of you that “don’t wordz”, ennui means “ a feeling of utter weariness and discontent resulting from satiety or lack of interest; boredom”. If you look it up on Urban Dictionary, you get the above picture of Chad and the definition “chronic complainer about a free blog not covering enough of one’s niche sports interests”. Booyah!
You know what else the internet is great for? Stay tuned for Rex’s classic rendition of “internet nudie pictures, circa 1995″. It’ll be like the Renaissance. When is said classic rendition happening? Right after he finishes listening to the new Frey and My Chemical Romance CDs, putting lipstick on, and crossing Billy Madison off of his list of people to kill.
Back to the subject, how smart am I for my jiu jitsu maneuvering of Chad et al yesterday? This smart.
I’m like a savant kitten that understands surround sound. Chad was set to complain about whatever was written anyway because the internet is a great place to talk about how bored you are with the free blog you’re reading to kill time instead of doing your job that you get paid to do. Like I said, the ennui of the internet. So Chad was going to complain about whatever I put up. What do you do when there is no way out of a situation? You go further in. So, back to the jiu jistu analogy, I invited Chad into my guard, let him feel comfortable with his feeble ground & pound, and then BOOM hit him with an armbar and snapped that son o’ bitch in half. BOOM!
Speaking of the arts that are martial and mixed in nature, Pipez and I are about to start submission wrestling. Here is where I sould say “no homo”, but after a few glasses of wine, who knows? Pipez is known to get a few in him, start biting necks, and saying “I’m going to make some bad decisions tonight”. Maybe that is the girls Rex went out with on Sat night. Either them or Pipez, I can’t remember. Anyway, I’m going to pwn him on the mat the way I pwn his look (he looks like pre-pubescent TRG) and the way I pwnd his seasonal sweater on Sat night. Booyah!
Let’s talk about sports. I wish I’d bought NBA 2K10, but my gaming time is limited and Dragon Age is teh roxors and I haven’t even picked up Nate Dogg-approved Modern Warfare 2. So NBA 2K10 will have to wait. There, I talked about sports.
Get to bitching about this column, bottom posters. That’s your motherfucking zeitgeist.
This is the best screen cap from last night! I couldn’t decide what to caption it, so I will give you my alternate captions:
“When you get up, can you get me some fresh monkey brains?”
Who knew the Temple of Doom was near Relient Stadium?
Derka Derka Derka Mohammed Jihad
Aladdin really went downhill after Jasmine left him
not pictured: Texans logo on side of turban
Indy! Cover your heart, cover your heart!
On another note, where is Big Hitter? He was noticeably absent from TRG’s commenter appreciation day, yesterday. Come on FaF bottom feeders, get out the torches and pitchforks, let’s organize a search party. You all split up and look for him, while I sit here and drink coffee, just in case he comes back. No, I’m not asking you to do all the work like TRG did yesterday, doing nothing is an important job!
Chad – since you’re just going to criticize whatever I write in this space and do your own smear in the comments section, have at it tough guy. TOUGH GUY!!!!
Everyone else – be sure to bitch Chad out for whichever of your niche interests Chad doesn’t cover in precisely enough depth.
Here is your Movember update. Last night I attended a Mustachio Bashio party, that migrated to a bar. Let me tell you, there is nothing more creepy than 6 guys with mustaches and 1 guy with a fake mustache in a bar. However, it’s less creepy and more comedic when there are 4 or 5 girls hanging out in the group who can be friends with them despite the furry upper-lips. The rest of the people in the bar become deeply perplexed by this, and the results are… well… astounding. I won’t delve any further, you will just have to go to a bar with mixed company where all the males have mustaches to find out…
Needless to say here are your late and hungover mailed-in updates:
Wow. I can’t believe someone would make a video like this to teach our children why LSD is awesome how to play tee-ball. I’m pretty sure this is how my golf coach taught us to play golf in high school for the team, except there was no one shooting us with a camera, and then animating what we thought we saw.
In other news, the LPGA tour has an event in Houston that starts today. The Chronicle has listed their players to watch. Apparently, they use a different criteria than I did when I gave you my players to watch. I would give you more details, but I think we all have better things to do like go to work, watch internet porn, play the awesome to Super Mario Bros. Wii game that came out Tuesday… etc.
However, I will say that I am kinda disappointed that Michelle Wie got her first LPGA victory last weekend. She’s no longer hot now, because really the only thing she had going for her was that you thought she would fail out of golf and become attainable to the average guy. I had kinda planned on her flaming out in the LPGA, then having a mental breakdown like Britney or Lindsay Lohan, leaving the door open for me to bang her even though she didn’t make my list of LPGA golfers. I can say that right, I think she’s finally legal now.
“A well regulated Militia, being necessary to the security of a free State, the right of the people to keep and bear Arms, shall not be infringed.” You want to get into a constitutional catfight? Which of the two scenarios below seems more likely?
The Founding Fathers had tech 9s and Chartlon Heston in mind when they wrote this.
The Founding Fathers knew how effective bear arms would be against revolutionary-period weaponry (i.e. inaccurate muskets that would take a minute to reload)? Take your musket and give me my bear arms and see what happens. +5 to slashing, permadeath FTW. You’re a dork if you got that last sentence.
Big thanks to heterosexual life partner Goldfish for giving me this shirt on Ron Artest’s birthday. Let’s see how many of the Random Baby Momma’s uncles I can piss off by wearing it to Thanksgiving. Over/under is 3.5 You know what mixes well? Holiday drinking, gun collections, and making fun of the 2nd Amendment. Good times in Katy, TX next week. This might actually be my real retirement post, if you know what I mean.
Bud Adams would like to wish you a happy 19th of Movember. I hope everyone is rocking their Mo’s out by now. I know that there were 3 this weekend. Mine looks like Adam Morrison had blonde hair and became an IT guy.
This week Bud Adams will not need hand gestures to say fuck you, since he has already done that to Houston in multiple other ways, like stealing an NFL team from the city. Hopefully the Texans can return the favor by crushing Bud Adams while he fellates Vince Young, therefore removing both people from all the Titans-Texans conversations.
The one person that I hope is safe from this mess…Jeff Fisher. Only because his mustache is a thing of beauty. It’s what all of us at FaF wish our mustaches could be.
All was quiet on the Texans front this week, allowing the team to dwell for a full 2 weeks on Kris Brown’s cock-up last week against the Colts. This means I have to write about all the other teams that decided not to take the week off. Read More…
From espn.com, sportsblogit.com, or Rick Reilly's tummy directly?
I’m not sure how to cite the above picture. From espn.com (here)? From sportsblogit.com (here)? From proelite.com? From something called “Esther Lin”? The important thing is, I’m kindasorta trying to cite it.
See, if you’re new to Fourth and Fifty, we promote or at least condone scallywaggery, motherfuckery, obfuscation, and general tomfoolery. We are 5.5 regular Houstonians that like sports, happen to be assholes*, and use this “new media” venue to make fun of each other and everyone else just like we do through email, text, and face-to-face interaction. There are only 3 rules. 1) You don’t talk about fight club. 1) Don’t be boring. 2) Try not to steal someone else’s shit. 3) Write about sports every once in a while so the boss doesn’t revoke your credentials. 3a) 3 feet on the floor at all times. That last one was a line from West Wing, and I’m sure they stole it from someone else but am too lazy to do research. But halfass citation is better than no ass. Right, Rick Reilly?
Right, Rick Reilly? (cue cricket noises, and keep reading for some egregious shit)
Each week, or when we feel like putting effort into it, FaF will size up our opponent, and provide you, our faithful readers, with plenty of fodder for hating the opposing team. Because that’s what we do at FaF. We don’t cheer our team on in a good-natured manner, to remain “classy” or “sportsmanlike” or “respectful”. We bring the mother effin’ pain in the form of the truth! If you can’t handle it, go reminisce about the Veer on Coogfans! This is the new era of UH, where we take no prisoners and rape and pillage on our way to championships! For at least one post a week we abandon our “Houston. Sports. Satire.” by-line and bring the “Houston. Sports. Swagger.”
Who is that little man in the corner? Well, if you weren’t with us last week you might have missed him. I suggest reading the Tulsa Recap or maybe just go ahead and skip on over to the picture via this link. This guy is obviously trying to make celebrity domestic abuse cool again (as it’s gone the way of the buffalo since Tyson). Who are we, Fourth and Fifty to stop him. Oh, he’ll be popping up around here a lot… and, I think the perfect test run is one of these here Opponent Essentials. I’m going to lovingly dub him “Chad.”
The Cougars are coming off of one of the most exciting games that I’ve ever seen in my life, ever. For-ev-er (Forever-ever?). Half of the city hasn’t really gotten over the heart palpitations that it caused. But, that matters not. Our god is our schedule and he says “you will play Saturday against the mighty University of Central Florida.” We’re not nihilists around here. We obey.
Today I don’t sportz. My brain fucking hurts. I just finished a paper on the landscape of creating synthetic elastin fibers and components in vitro, and its current and future tissue engineering applications. I just hope I don’t fail for dropping too many F-bombs in it. I almost posted an “open smear” allowing our commenters to write their own FaF smear in the comments section, since some of them get some sort of weird validation by seeing hard to follow 900 word diatribes following their moniker. (Which upon further review, isn’t much different than the validation we actual fake writers get from seeing 500 word, or 2,000 in TRG’s case, hard to follow diatribes in our initial posts.) But then I realized, that the difference between the you all and us, is that you all come here seeking a direction for your comments, and we provide you the leadership you need by writing these posts.
Obviously, if you haven’t noticed by now, I am operating on 3 hours sleep and lots of coffee. I noticed this parting of the sensory (see what I did there?) when for the first time in my life I actually WANTED a snuggie. I was finally at a point where I was tired, caffeinated, frustrated, and cold enough to throw away my vanity in order achieve a level of warmth that my blanket just could not provide me while writing my paper. I can’t wait until I can sleep….
So, in an effort to mention something sports related above the jump with out doing any sort of work what-so-ever. I would like to give a shout out to Frank Gore, for being a fantasy beast (when healthy) for the first 1/2 of the NFL season. You have been the most pleasant surprise on my roster, considering I was pretty sure I was picking you too high and wrote you off as a disappointment from day 1, and only justified the pick by the fact that I have Purple Jesus. I probably just jinxed the rest of your season and you will die somehow and someone’s gonna steal your carbon. Also, in the same vein, thanks Reggie for picking baby-punching Steve Smith 1 pick before me causing me to choose Gore and then Vincent Jackson with my next pick. I just want to remind you he was on the board there. (even though you may have forgotten the URL to the site you write for and will probably not read this) You could have had him, and had a stable RB stable.
I'm not Moose Knuckle, but I'm everything he aspires to be.
Greetings my FaF faithful. It has been many months since my last confession post. Once the new TV season starts, it pretty much consumes a majority of my time. Add in college football and forget about it. Who has time to write witty posts day in and day out? Septimus Rex and The Random Guy; That’s who. And The Random Guy even has Random Baby to take care of. You know a lot of people say Septimus and TRG are a couple of untalented posers…
So as I said it has been a while since I have been able to post on here. That is not to say that I haven’t tried though. I wrote a tantalizing recap of the PGA Championship. I even broke away from the golf for once and wrote a delightful commentary on the douchiness of Taylor Potts, Mike Leach, and the rest of the Tech faithful. That was a few days after our masterful win back in September. However, my posts were overlooked in the staging queue, and never got published for your reading pleasure. Now I notified the powers that be that I had some good words to share, but my keyboard was silenced. Am I bitter? Never. I have fought back out of the trenches to bring to you the useless sports news of the world.
Today you do not get something funny to begin your FAF smear. You get a rant/call to action.
Case Keenum is a legitimate Heisman trophy contender. The Heisman trophy is hands down one of the most political awards in any sport on any level. This is not news to any of the 12 of you who typically read this site. There are 870 anonymous voters who are former winners and members of the media who have a say in the outcome. (Here is a list of people who are known voters)
So, I would like to point out to you what members of the media think about Cougar fans…. Well, I use the term “Cougar fans” lightly. Specifically, I would like to point out to you what they think about Coogfans.
Coogfans posters are the most whiney thin-skinned people ever. Anyone who says anything that could be misconstrued as a slight to UH gets blasted by these people. But they don’t just complain in private or in a forum that no one cares about, (aka their own sports blog message board) they make sure this person get blasted with emails and public comments about their “erroneous” opinion.
I used to think it was funny how up-tight Coogfans is, and how upset they get at everything. I can understand why Richard Justice would write something passive aggressive or back handed compliments about the Coogs on a slow news day. It’s rather entertaining to stir the pot.
However, the unfortunate consequence of having such a small fan-base is that these people become the only representatives of the UH Cougar community, just as the “GED Walmart Longhorn” is the main representative of UT. People view UH fans like the socially-awkward kids who were picked on in high school and now have an inferiority complex about what people think about them. (Cue song of the day!!!!)
So what does this have to do with Case and the Heisman? Well, the majority of the voters are members of the media, and if these media members write anything that is not about Case for Heisman, they are going to get the Coogfans treatment. So after being chastised by all these Cougar fans, why would someone want to vote for Case?
So, I want to make a call to action to all Cougar fans to stop these childish reactions to media members. Instead of berating them for not acknowledging Case, or supporting another candidate, respond with a RESPECTFUL, LOGICAL argument. You don’t need to brown-nose or bribe, but if you let the other candidates fans be the assholes, it just makes that candidate look bad.
Just t0 reinforce my point, I would like to include a portion of an email that one member of the Houston media wrote to us:
OK, one bit of advice — don’t pay any attention to Coogfans. Ever.
The vast majority are pissed-off idiots desperately searching for yet another reason to be even more pissed off. EVERYTHING to them is a sign of disrespect, a slight, an insult or a clear sign of the vast conspiracy to keep the Cougars down. I had an irate Coogfan knucklehead e-mail me because — I kid you not — my UH game story was 23 words shorter than Joseph Duarte’s UT game story, which (to Coogfans) was a blatant insult to the local university and its football program.
You’ll see — if you post anything that makes even a bit of fun of UH — even the things that obviously deserve to be made fun of — you’re going to get hammered by Coogfans. You’ll never win that battle, so don’t even try. Just be yourselves.
Is this what you want Joe Writer from the Pac-10 or Big-10 country to think about UH fans? If and when the athletic department launches Case for Heisman campaigns, do you want them to have to overcome our own fans?
This award is about politics, and UH fans, it’s time you learned how to play the political game. Kill people with kindness, and be informative. Don’t get sucked into idiotic arguments that make you look bad. Take the high road.
(Ironically, thanks to Coogfans poster and friend of FaF, Matamy, for pointing out the Heisman media connection and the website with the list of voters)
10 Things That Don’t Really Relate to Sports or Anything Else. Suck it, Editor/s.
1. Hilary Clinton.
Does anyone else think that she’s doing a fantastic job as Secretary of State? Maybe the bar was set very low by #4. $10 says this baby voted for Fred Thompson in the primary. Not that you should ever follow my gambling advice. The funny thing about Hilary is, most people dislike her, even if they agree with her basic policy positions. Why? Women don’t want to be her, and guys don’t want to be on her. Would this baby be punching Sarah Palin? Probably not – he’d be capturing the moment in his mind for a late-night wank, like the rest of us. Don’t pretend like you haven’t whacked it to Palin – all FaF readers should be saying, in unison, you betcha I’ve whacked it to Sarah Palin. I might be doing that right now.
2. I love the Rockets. I love drinking. I love women. I love college.
Scola looks different out of his work clothes.
That’s still the catchiest song of all time, and perhaps the worst. So Rex is doing his thing last Friday night (being a hipster and acting too cool for everyone, while still partaking in the cliches that he pretends to abhor) and he runs into Battier, Scola, and Down Under David Andersen at some place called The Anvil. Now, I got out of “the scene” when Drink Houston was still cool (and yes, that time once existed), so I can only assume The Anvil is a Red Door-type place. I don’t regret not wasting the last decade of my life trying to be a Robert Earl Keen song (choose any of them, really), but every once in a while someone runs into Rockets out on the town and I get extremely jealous. A few years back a friend spent 30 minutes talking to Cuttino Mobley about watches. El Rat chatted up Chuck Hayes last year. There was a girl we knew in college who was a Kelvin Cato groupie. And now this Triple Dip? I can’t think of 3 better Rockets to see out on the town. Battier would be a great guy to hang out with, and I’ll probably end up volunteering for his political campaign one day. Scola would be fascinating to watch to see what type of girls he could pull in and/or how many would mistake him for Russel Brand. Andersen seems like a goofy guy who would spill drinks all night and accidentally elbow girls in the face, causing them to bleed Mutumbo-style. Would one night with the Rockets (no homo) be worth a decade of the bar/club scene?
This is a variation of the “would you give your left nut for…” question. For example, would you give your left nut for one night with Jessica Alba? I say yes, and before your mind goes to the gutter, let me clarify that we’d play the staring game all night. That’s the sexiest video of all time, red tube be damned.
3. Tiuana Rogers will cut your white ass.
Listen, you don’t have to have watched the Fedor-Brett Rogers fight. It’s a decent fight with a good knockout at the end. But the reason I’m linking to it is this.
Wow – she actually gets her bounce on. The Rogers couple scare the shit out of me – he is a dangerous pugilist, and she is, shall we say, “ghetto fabulous”. Here is how it goes down – Sunday morning and you’re driving to HEB to pick up some steaks, and you see a great parking spot. You’re about to pull in but then an Escalade riding on dubs cuts in front of you. Enraged, you start giving the woman a hard time, and she says “motherfucker, my husband will cut your heart out and eat it”. Then you say “bitch, you crazy”. Then her husband, Brett Rogers, jumps out of the passenger side. You recognize him *because you watched the video* and try to apologize and get away at the same time. Having none of it, he smashes through your drivers side window with his head (The Program-style), pulls you out of the car by your nose, wrings your neck like a chicken until your head actually pops off, drinks your blood, and then cuts your heart out and eats it, with a side of squash . It could happen. They are a dangerous duo.
3.5. Matrimonious Synergies and the Time-Space Continuum.
We at FaF haven’t talked nearly enough about the Odom-Kardashian wedding. Maybe that’s not possible – it’s like logarithmic functions that have limits – you can approach the limit and get infinitesimally close, but never hit it. Anyway, like moths to a flame, The Random Baby Momma and I actually have a common interest. I just walked by the TV and she is watching Khloe and Kourtney Try to Become Famous without a Sextape (or whatever their show is called). So we had a convo about the Odom-Kardashian prenup, thanks to the journalistic expertise of espn.com’s truehoop. It seems like the type of prenup where you’re not 100% convinced you’re not going to need it, know what I’m sayin? Back to the point, I’m not comfortable with this synergistic crossover – you’re not supposed to have anything in common after you get married, you just stay married for the kids. That’s the rule. This “our interests overlap” business is like Timecop where the same matter can’t occupy the same space at the same time. It’ll fuck up the time-space continuum.
4. Condi Rice is The Juggernaut.
I actually have nothing against Dr. Rice – she was put in a tough spot and did the best she could. Here is why I bring her up – a friend of ours, who shall be called “Myan Riller” for anagramtastic purposes, lobbied to give the valedictory speech for the UH Law School graduation a few years ago. The keynote speaker was the recently disposed Dr. Rice, fresh from being outed from the White House. Here was the speech he was planning to give: “Condoleeza Rice and I have something in common. We’re both looking for jobs.” That was the entire speech. Fantastic. Sadly, The Man held him down and he was never able to give that speech. The Gettysburg Address. Lil Wayne’s Behind the Music Interview. The Nothing to Fear but Fear Itself speech. I’m a Man, I’m 40. Obama’s speech on race last year. And the 2006 UH Law School Valedictory Graduation Speech. Alas, it probably goes down as the greatest speech never given.
What did I tell you? Yesterday, I said that Tracy McGrady had announced that he was ready to return to the court for his first game since his ovaries started giving him problems he injured himself last season. I half-heartedly joked that he probably didn’t get clearance from the team yet. Let’s take a quick time out for the following announcement:
T-Mac said he would be back the 18th of November for the T-Wolves. The Rockets said NOT so fast, my friend. We all went through this before… Remember back when McGrady said he put a date on his return when the season hadn’t started yet? The Rockets came back and countered his statement with a, “you live in MY house, you live by MY rules” by telling the world he wouldn’t be coming back until after a scheduled November 23rd MRI. Last time I checked, 18 < 23 which means it technically comes before on the calendar.
But, now things are being said to have been taken out of context. Who’s to blame? Not T-Mac. No, of course not. It’s the fault of the interwebz. They’re the ones that blew this up all out of proportion (not Fourth and Fifty… we abide by a lofty ethical standard of reporting). Unfortunately for T-Mac’s backpedaling to be effective, that would mean that the MRI on the 23rd would be a myth. Hey, asshole. Why don’t you just own up to trying to jump the gun. It’s not that difficult.
Since T-Mac has become more of a distraction off the court than on (where he can’t seem to win playoff games. Yes, ‘07 technically wasn’t his fault, but still), why is he still around? This doesn’t seem to be the kind of shit that Daryl Morey would put his team through. There has to be a Sabermetric that counts the number of derogatory articles written about a player, right? Let’s coin it here: The Pop Culture +/-. For example: Yao Ming has a PC+/- of positive One Billion. He brings the entire nation of China under Rockets fandom. That’s a man you want on your team. T-Mac has a PC+/- of negative 736. The number of crocodile tears he’s cried every time he gets injured but still collects a paycheck for one game unplayed that’s more than you’ll make in two years.
Moving on to the rest of your Houston Sports updates:
There’s nothing we do better around here than talk amongst ourselves/brag about fights we didn’t get into at Bubba’s. So, in that regard I know that once I get into the meat of this post everyone [read: Big Hitter and Chad] will skip down to the bottom of the post and start commenting their little hearts out. My muse for the morning happens to be an article (actually, just part of a Q&A) with Colin Dunlap, Pittsburgh Post-Gazette writer.
You all just creamed your pants a little bit, didn’t you? I think I’ve mentioned it a couple of times on Fourth and Fifty, but I’ve been talking about a conference realignment within the next five years. Something along the lines of the 2005 rape and pillage of the mid-major conferences will probably happen. Except this time it might be a little different… Why? Two reasons.
Big East Football = BCS Joke
ACC Football = BCS Joke
That was my original thesis. Upon further review, the Big East actually has a .545 winning percentage (6-5) in BCS games. The Atlantic Coast Conference, however, has an atrocious .182 winning percentage (2-9) since the BCS made an even bigger mess of the national championship debate than we had before. Compare those numbers to the Mountain West (1.000 going 2-0), the WAC (1-1 at .500) and Independents [read: Notre Dame] (.000 going 0-3) and what we have here is an utter disarray. [Note: The SEC has gone 12-5 and 5-0 in championship games... wow]
The Cougars haven’t done much in the way of proving themselves on the big stage as of late… We just broke our nearly-three-decade-long bowl losing streak last year. One would assume that the BCS would be a bit more anxiety-ridden than the Hawaii, Fort Worth or Liberty Bowls. But, I don’t believe that this counterpoint really usurps the point made above that the BCS is a joke and some of the conferences involved in the monopolistic contract to decide each year’s national champ are not pulling their weight.
Conferences want winners. Winners equal more money. Money equals power. Power equals blow, hookers and wold domination. That’s an equation I can get behind.
The problem with money is that the Houston Cougars just aren’t reliable enough on a week to week basis. I made a pact with the devil when we started this blog that I wouldn’t be bitching about attendance every week. And, thus far I have honored that commitment to a reader that probably doesn’t even come by the site anymore. Though, it makes a rather glaring point in the “should the Big East annex Houston” argument.
I’ve just gone through the past three years of media guides to pull this information myself… I hope you appreciate that. Unfortunately it’s a fact that we all know pretty well. Houston’s attendance is not quite up to snuff. Average home attendance was 21,910 in 2006, 20,995 in 2007 and 21,519 in 2008 (last year, I negated the Ike game against Air Force that was played in Fort Worth… if you include that attendance the actual figure would be 18,357 in 2008). I’m not a college football expert – even though I play one on the interwebz – but these numbers don’t look so great to a big conference with big stadiums (average Big East stadium capacity is 51,200 the smallest being Cincinnati’s Nippert Stadium coming in at 35,000).
Oh, and that’s the other thing… Roberston only holds about 33,000 fans. We set the “modern-day” attendance record against Texas Tech this year with 32,114 watching over John O’Quinn (/doffs cap, may he rest in peace) Field.
To wrap up this rather lofty tome, there’s really nothing better for us to do for the Cougar cause than show up at games and convince long-lost alumni to come along for the ride. We can argue until we’re blue in the face on whether or not we’re too good for Conference USA but it matters not. We need to bump up our stadium size and the only way to do that is to prove that we, the fans, are going to show up in force.
But, the Coogs need to hold up their end of the bargain as well. They need to keep winning. They need to hold the interest of this fickle sports town. I’m telling you, it’s an awesome sight on Saturdays driving around town and seeing “Houston Cougars Game” at every bar in town.
So… There’s only one thing left to say, “Kevin Sumlin, please stay. Pipez and the rest of Cougar Country want to have, like, a million of your babies.”
Now, on to the rest of your Houston sports updates:
It wasn’t only the Houston Cougars that were up to last-minute heroics this past weekend. The Houston Dynamo, obviously feeling the positive vibes on the field at Robertson had a little late game magic of their own. Brian Ching, in the 96th minute scored on a tremendous volley to send the Dynamee into the western conference championship game against the LA Bekhams Galaxy.
You can view the highlights of the game here (and skip ahead to the 3:00 mark for the goal, though you’ll miss out on all the splendor of listening to Spanish language announcing).
For those of you making the roadie, the Western Conference Championship is at 8PM on this coming Friday. For those of you hunkering down in the confines of your own home to watch the game (uh huh, yeah right) that’s a very late 10PM start time. Surely all of you will be putting off your plans for a night out on Washington Avenue to take part as history is made…
Let’s not wait five days to make history. Let’s right here with your Houston sports updates:
Septimus Rex
Reginald Blackstone
Pipez
wanksmacgruber
THE Random Guy
Moose Knuckle
That picture really doesn’t have a point or a connection to the theme. I just thought it was funny. The worst possible scenario is you show up at the feminbration and get your manhood cut off. Best case scenario? ”Not Gina, it’s Gina. What’s up. Listen, I’m going to be real honest with you. It’s been a long time since I’ve been with a man. I spent a lot of time with the “ladies” and I’m lookin’ to get back up on that pogo stick. You know what I’m sayin’? If we could get together and you could tuck your sack back, it would make the transition a lot easier for me.”
11/24/09 Houston Sports FaF Smear (now with 100% more polls!)
This is not a party, this is a crowd
Welcome to Houston, AYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAY
This is the best screen cap from last night! I couldn’t decide what to caption it, so I will give you my alternate captions:
On another note, where is Big Hitter? He was noticeably absent from TRG’s commenter appreciation day, yesterday. Come on FaF bottom feeders, get out the torches and pitchforks, let’s organize a search party. You all split up and look for him, while I sit here and drink coffee, just in case he comes back. No, I’m not asking you to do all the work like TRG did yesterday, doing nothing is an important job!
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November 24, 2009
Categories: Daily FaF Smear . Tags: Commenter appreciation week, Houston Cougars, Houston Texans, Rice Owls, Rockets, Where is Big Hitter? . Author: Pipez . Comments: 34 Comments