The Saints won the Super Bowl. I was dissapointed, I wanted to see more offense (and so did my wallet), but was left with 3 quarters of crappy football. This was basically the equivalent of Groundhog’s Day for the city of New Orleans. If Drew Brees had come out of the tunnel saw his shadow and got scared, there would have been one more week of “normal” life in the city. But Brees didn’t get scared and now Mardi Gras came 9 days early. This is why if I had a business, it would not be based out of New Orleans. Nothing would get done. Ever.
Also Peyton Manning choked, bringing back the Manning Face. I hope to see an updated ManningFace.com in the next few days. Also, he is still tied with Eli for Super Bowl and SB MVP trophies…
Pey Pey hurt his Pee Pee
If a picture is worth 1000 words, how many words is a gif worth?
How many of you are placing any wagers on the Superbowl? 80% of the fun of the Superbowl is losing money gambling. If I didn’t wager on the game, I really wouldn’t care who wins. I just wish that the gambling site I used had more interesting prop bets.
The more ridiculous the prop bet the more I like it. I want to see a Kim Kardashian/Archie Manning on camera prop bet. I’d make Kim a -2.5 favorite over Archie.
Today at work I will be doing nothing but wasting money on prop bets. I’m already 50 dollars in to this. Betus.com was dumb enough to open their Superbowl MVP lines last Monday with Manning at even money and Brees at +250. I feel like that’s a pretty good hedge. UNLESS A RANDOM SAINTS OR COLTS RECEIVER DECIDES TO FUCK ME. Manning and Brees, spread that shit around boys, spread that shit around. If I were all of you I would now bet on all players in the game not named Manning or Brees [Ed. note - not responsible for your losses or stupidity if you take any advice from this post].
A few other props I like.
Robert Meachem to score a TD +250
Marquis Colston to score a TD +135
These guys tied for the most TD’s by Saints recievers in the regular season with 9 each (The next highest Saints recievers only had 3). 1 of them is almost assured a TD. If either one scores a TD you are in the money.
A riskier pair of TD scorers for the Colts.
Austin Collie +160
Pierre Garcon +130
Didn’t account for that many TD’s in the regular season like the Saints pair, but if you scores you win. Plus, the Saints defense is suspect. Favre threw for 400+ yards, Manning may do the same. You could put money on all the Colts receivers (plus Addai who led them in TDs scored) and just hope the Saints can’t stop them and Manning throws it around. However, based on the odds I’m getting, to win money if you bet on the Colts top 5 TD scorers, 1 of these 2 guys still has to score, basically meaning it’s the same bet with actually worse odds.
I color my nails with White Out because I'm lonely.
Have at it, you heathens. I know you want to talk all about signing day and how much you’re looking forward to having the new recruiting class. Maybe you can throw in a couple of woulda-coulda-shoulda’s in reference to Jackson Jeffcoat signing with the Longhorns.
You’ve certainly already seen it, touched it, smelled it, tasted it… but here’s your list of 2010 Commits anyway (according to Scout.com).
The Cougars ended up ranked #54 by Scout.com (here) and #45 by Rivals.com (here), but they will always be #1 in our hearts. Right, boys?
With 12 of the 27 total recruits being on the defensive side of the ball, it looks like Sumlin is really trying to shore up the weakest part of the team. That’s good news. Considering the offensive powerhouse that is the Coogs, I would imagine it would be rather difficult to recruit kids with the “well, you’re going to get embarrassed at every practice. Then, on game day, you’re going to drop your pants around your ankles and take it like a man,” line.
Especially with the flight of coordinators away from the program, being able to maintain the high level of Commits through signing day is particularly a good sign. Then again, with Oklahoma State coming in with the #18 recruit class (or #31, depending who you ask), maybe Holgorsen didn’t need to do any Lane Kiffin-style pilfering.
So, there you go. I wrote a bunch of words to justify you writing a bunch of words in the comments section. Feel free to just skip the rest of this nonsense… BUT, IF YOU DO skip my next 300 words, you’re going to miss one of the all-time great commercials.
It’s Superbowl week! Maybe if one of us has time we will bring back “The Super Bowel” series for a post. Back when we had a team of writers (cough cough…. RB, Wanks and JBJ) we could do cool things like that. I highly recommend reading them if you are bored this week. Links below
Now we are relegated to mailing stuff in and making excuses for ourselves. That’s how you can tell we grew up. No more energy and enthusiasm, just do enough to pay the bills.
The Senior Bowl was this weekend, and the North beat the South. I’m assuming that the North had a distinct technology advantage with their rifled barrels, and interchangeable parts. However, it also could have been because Tim Tebow is trying to publicly fumble away his football career by showing everyone he isn’t an NFL QB. Tebow, why can’t you just get drafted late and quietly get cut like every other college QB flameout?
Your Senior Bowl MVP? Dan LeFevour or something. I’m not sure what a Dan LeFevour is, but people tell me he’s supposed to be pretty good. I was impressed with Mardy Gilyard, just like I was when Cincy beat Pitt. Also, all of the South’s points could were scored by players from Alabama.
I want to take a brief second to voice my opinion about something that pisses me off. I hate the Grammy’s. I didn’t watch them last night, because I never watch them. That’s mainly because I don’t care which shitty untalented “artist” wins some award because their record company is willing to back them with more money than their other “artists.” But that’s not my problem.
MGMT and the Silversun Pickups were up for “Best New Artist.” I know that this is the first time most of the 7 of you have heard of them but both groups have multiple albums and MGMT’s last album was released in 2008. If this is how you win “Best new ______,” consider FaF, a leading contender for the best new sports blog of 2011.
We pretty much suck at following up with some of the big ideas that we have at Fourth and Fifty. That being said, we absolutely suck at trying to brag about our accomplishments. Yes, I know what you’re thinking. We brag all the time. But saying that I’m hung like a goddam beluga in our New Year’s Eve post is not the same as bragging about something that is braggable (even though I am… Greg Oden ain’t got nothing on me).
With that, I’d like to congratulate the Fourth and Fifty staff, all of our commentors/bottom-posters, and those of you that have read but remained silent. Ten days ago was the first anniversary for FaF and all of you were what made this possible. No, we didn’t make any money. We had a hell of a lot of laughs though. We almost got into a fight or two. And, we all made some friends (even if we’re not “real life” friends… we should probably keep it that way in most of your cases).
So, on this day when Jackson Jeffcoat will don the University of Texas hat in front of hundreds of his high school hanger-ons (live stream here), lets take a moment to give us a big pat on the back.
Use the comments section to share your favorite moments in FaF history as the boards at CoogFans go apeshit when their beloved Jeffcoat falls through just as we knew he would. Exhalting Fourth and Fifty will pour salt in that already painful wound. Don’t do it for us, do it so they squirm.
My fellow FaFtonians, I stand in here today to tell you that the state of Fourth and Fifty is STRONG. We have more swagger than ever. There are more than five people that read this site daily. Three and a half people write for this display of internet genius semi-annually. We have staved off criticism, blazed our own trail, brought the forces of at least eleven different fan bases TO THEIR KNEES with inappropriate humor, cursing, and, most importantly, a healthy dose of dick/fart/whore jokes.
As you know, we just celebrated our one year anniversary. I tell you this. WE ARE NOT DONE! We will not be satisfied until the world cowers at the might of Fourth and Fifty. World domination… no, INTERSTELLAR DOMINATION will be the only thing that will sate our thirst. We must keep our eyes on that prize. The internet is the ever expanding final frontier and we (all 12 of us) will conquer and establish our own brand of government… A government steeped in totalitarian theory, oppression, and bottom posting.
The leaders of nations have already approached me. They want us to have mercy. They want us to spare their young and powerless. The world trembles before our might like Haitians in an earthquake. We will not relent. There will be no remorse. We will prevail.
The spirit of FaF lives in each and every one of you. From crazy, head-butting, Chad to the unfortunate Dallasonian, OneTon to our favorite stalker, Big Hitter. Even the Rev. J. Dazzle shares the life-blood of Fourth and Fifty. We will march forth. We will bring our agenda of “pejorative falsehoods and sexual obscenities” to the rest of the world. We will make fun of Ken Hoffman, but when we do battle on the radio waves Pipez will not freeze up. We will attack the blob that is John Royal. We will demand that the Houston Press recognizes our fortitude. AND. WE. WILL. RULE. THIS. GALAXY.
Well, starting last night I started paying attention to college basketball, so I can repeat as FaF champion in the March Madness bracket competition. So on my first night of college hoops I simply had to check out John Wall to see if he was worth the hype, but instead I saw the Cocks give the #1 Wildcats the shaft. It just seemed like the Cocks out-shot the Wildcats in the end. The Cocks just kept scoring, it was almost as if they were too big for the Wildcats. The Cocks just kept penetrating and scoring all night. I almost thought I was watching Greg Oden.
The game was actually exciting, with a few lead changes, and each team playing well in spurts. Kentucky even had the lead mid-way through the second half, but the Cocks had no problem coming from behind, and they had a good spurt to end the game.
So as it turns out, everyone who was afraid of the big bad Wildcats, saw them exposed for what they are, big pussies. And it shouldn’t be a surprise to anyone that the Cocks pounded the pussies last night. If we learned anything, it’s that we shouldn’t put the pussies on a pedastool.
Song of the Day: Like anyone besides Pipez and Rex cares. Hey, look at how hip and unaffected I am – I care about crappy bands that will never make it (because they suck)! You know who doesn’t suck? Not Rex.
Brett Fav-re! Brett Fav-re! Brett Fav-re! What a few weeks. I actually stopped hating him* during the Dallas game because he was so incredible (twss, and by “s” I mean your mom, and “s” was referring to me). I also felt bad for the exorcism pouding he took from the Saints. It was a strange feeling I had, like empathy wrapped in a bbq potato topped with nerds rope. Because that’s what was in my stomach at the time. And then he went and Brett Fav-red the whole thing up with that classic INT. It’s sad. It’s like when fat chicks try to get away with being fat, even though it’s totally against the law. You feel bad for them, but you’re a law-abiding citizen and you hope those criminals don’t eat you.
*I really do hate him, but don’t know why – he’s self-serving and whiny and an attention whore, but then again I write for a blog and you read a blog and then bottom post some inane crap about where high school seniors are going to matriculate. So we don’t really have any room to talk. It’s not Brett Fav-re’s fault ESPN wants to have sexual relations with him, or that a lot of companies want to pay him a lot of money to endorse their products. You wouldn’t say no to this, either. Oneton has an endorsement deal with Depends, and Chad rocks the Vagasil even though their corporate office call-blocked him. So why do we hate on Brett Fav-re for getting free Wranglers for the rest of his life? We hate him because we are jaded and feel strangely compelled to hate on something. It’s a symbiotic relationship and says more about us than about him. I’m guilty, too, of hating him with no good reason. Not that has ever stopped any of us before. Screw that guy. Motherscrewer.
On a related note, you remember the scene in The Rock where Nic Cage goes diving for the green bombs as they roll off the edge of the cliff, threatening to destroy everything in a hundred mile radius (2:48 of the clip below)? If we got to choose people to not catch the green bombs (think like jury selection), Adrian Peterson would be my number one choice. Here is a collection of The Life and Fumbles of AD. And if you need a primer on The Rock, well then…
COLTS VS SAINTS! Manning Face Vs Breesus! Two weeks until football season as we know it is over. This year we get the bonus of watching the pro-bowl before the Superbowl, so even less famous players can play in it. Who wants to watch the exciting AFC QB’s of Schaub, VY, and David Garrard? Someone please calm me down… please.
By the way, I haven’t read or listened to anything analyzing the Superbowl storylines yet, but on top of the obvious ones about the Saints first Superbowl appearance, Hurricane Katrina, anything involving Manning, and anything Simmons mentioned last week. I’m going to go ahead and call Brees’s return to Miami the storyline that gets used as the “I’m coming up with an original storyline” that 5,000 writers use to talk about the Superbowl.
Yes, I’m referring to the Superbowl being played in Miami, and how the Dolphins passed on Brees to sign Daunte Culpepper, and now the people of Miami get to see Drew Brees play in the Superbowl in their city for New Orleans. So original that someone can remember 4 years ago.
Anyway some Houston teams played some sports this weekend. Read More…
I’m making my triumphant return to re-reporting the news that everyone else has already heard about. But don’t you worry, you are getting a better more qualified Pipez, as I am now a certified radiation worker. I’m just like Homer Simpson! Except I work in research not a power plant.
Briefly I would like to talk about Sumlin’s new contract. I think you have to look at it this way. Mack did a good job of surveying the landscape and seeing that Sumlin took an 8 win Briles team, kept it at 8 wins, and then improved to 10 with some VERY BAD losses. Now he lost BOTH of his coordinators. It’s not like Sumlin turned around our 0-11 team. Mack also differed money in the contract, basically rewarding him for staying put. That also makes it look like we are setting him up for a better more lucrative extension with a bigger buyout in the future if he can keep improving.
Two years ago, all we had to do was beat Rice win our division and play for a conference championship. We laid an egg. This year all we had to do was beat ECU to win a conference championship (because we got lucky with SMU losing), and we laid an egg. I’m not saying Sumlin is a bad coach, we beat some really good teams, but I’d like to see some hardware before making him the top paid coach in our conference…. I’m just saying. On to your smear.
If you remember correctly, there was a time when all the writers for Fourth and Fifty cared about the site. That was a long, long, long time ago and most likely in alternate galaxy far far away that I’m misremembering at the moment. This was a time when most of you that read the site now didn’t even know that we exited. It was a happier time, it was a more quiet time, it was less “I’m going to write a comment to show these mother fuckers how much more I know about sports than they do” time. Guess what? Thinking like that saw Scott and Holman come and go like the El Nino. Where are they now? Ex-mothafucking-stinct. I even reached out to them to see if they wanted to write for some winners and I didn’t get a reply (offer’s still on the table, sweethearts).
So let’s take a jaunt down Nostalgia Lane. Let’s take a little trip in our time-machine to see what exactly this “honor” means and where it’s coming from. Oh, College Football Performance Awards, how I’ve missed you.
Awwwww, did you guys miss us? Did you think that we left you under the cover of night like the Colts from Baltimore? Trust me, we considered it. We’re coming up on our Anniversary for Fourth and Fifty and none of us have seen the payback that we expected. There has been no stacks of greenbacks. Katie Couric has not given us a call to do an expose on the founders. And the hos… well, there have been and always will be the hos. They just can’t give up the FaF lovin’, but that’s been true since the first day I unsheathed my pen(is).
It was just a little miscommunication that kept us from our loyal followers of the interwebz. Pipez neglected to mention he was going to suck at life for two days. Josh was too busy “being Josh.” And, Wanks MacGruber and Reginald Blackstone haven’t even read the site they helped form since early October. Such are the perils of swagtastic blogging.
If you were worried, we’re sorry. To comfort you in this time of need, you should know that JBJ is still up to his old tricks. Thank God he’s just not pulling them over here on FaF. Did you want to read a ridiculously long and uninformed review about Modern Warfare 2? I knew you were going to say “yes.” That’s why I’m linking it here. Looks like JBJ even stole my formula for numerous “ed. notes”… Hey, JBJ. When you’re the only writer, there is no editor. The whole muthafawkin’ thing is an ed. note. And, by the looks of it you have about 19 hundred words of editorial notes.
So we’re back in the swing of things once again. Just to catch you up: All is right with the world again as the Cowboys exited the playoffs this weekend. What’s an NFL offseason without an implosion in the Big D? Boring, that’s what it is. The suicide rate in Wisconsin is about to spike come February when Favre wins the Super Bowl. If someone fulfills the outlandish, ego-fluffing, comments that he makes, can we even call it “hubris”, because Rex Ryan (after squeaking into the playoffs) is living up to the expectations only he could set. University of Texas fell to the curse of the #1 losing to Kansas State whom surprisingly have maintained a good team after the Marcus Beasley era. I did not see that one coming. And, I’m sure other sportsy-type stuff happened too, but whatever. All you guys are going to do is talk about the coogs in the comments. So, let’s move on.
Another spot opens in the college head coaching ranks and, guess who’s name gets thrown in the ring? Our very own Kevin Sumlin. That wasn’t tough to guess, was it?
With Lane Kiffin’s awesome throwing University of Tennessee to the wolves, the Vols are in need of someone for the top of their totem poll (… as am I, ladies…). For those of you keeping track at home that means Florida, Texas Tech, Cincinatti, Tennessee, Kansas… Dammit, I can’t even keep track anymore. Sumlin is the hottest shit since I ate JP’s chili at our tailgate.
I mean, I get it… but I don’t. Sumlin has been awesome for the University of Houston’s football program. He’s created order out of the chaos that Art Briles instituted. The offense has burgeoned. The defense has gone from really, really, really shitty to just really shitty. The University and its supporters are genuinely excited for each season. These are all great things. But he hasn’t even brought a C-USA Championship to the program. This is basically to say I understand why Sumlin’s “hot shit” but there’s no reason for him to be “THE shit” just yet.
There is one thing to give K-Sum credit for relative to the rest of the fickle crowd of coaches. He said he wants to be in Houston and he’s stuck by that statement. That means a lot in this day and age. Especially since some of the names that are being thrown around lately are programs that can throw a lot more jack at Sumlin… not to mention prestige, power, state-wide noteriety, national TV time… Yeah, if I were to have the kind of options that he’s got right now I would have probably been long gone.
So, here’s the the mighty Bachelor, Kevin Sumlin. Thanks for sticking around… maybe. If you do, or something. Don’t leave. We all know you still have a lot to prove at the helm of the Cougars and here’s to hoping that you’re not sticking around just to prove that and actually want to make this you destiny-seeking dynasty.
Layla Kiffin was hired yesterday to be the first lady of football at USC, while her husband does his best to continue the tradition of NCAA violations and publicity stunts at USC. I mean I guess I can see the appeal that Lane has. He’s making public statements about rival teams to get the fans and teams fired up, he has a hot wife, and his daddy comes in and does the real coaching. But what about this guy’s record?
Lane coached 20 games in the NFL before getting fired winning a whopping 5. Granted this is probably more like a .500 record considering it was the Raiders, but still. Then he moved to Tennessee last year where he finished 1 game over .500 at 7-6. Now I know that the Pac-10 is easier than the SEC, but thats still not that good. And, if Lane’s players rob stores and drive drunk at Tennessee, imagine how many agents will buy cars for players girlfriends and rent houses for players parents, etc.
But how do Vols fans feel? We sent Septimus to a Tennessee Walmart to get some reactions. One fan brought Septimus back to his house so he could share his feelings. I got this video via email last night, but have not heard from Septimus since. (NSFW Language) Update: Looks like Septimus not only made it out of that guy’s house alive (save for a sore cornhole), but even the whole state (Click here)
Finally, in a note of randomness. WTF is LDT thinking? Does he think this is actually good, or is he just trying to copy Tim and Eric? (See the SOTD link if you aren’t hip to Tim and Eric) I originally thought this was a segment of Tim & Eric Awesome Show, Great Job! but then I did mushrooms and watched all my DVD’s research and found out it wasn’t.
I don't wish I was a professional athlete... Not at all...
Let’s get something out in the open. Mark McGwire’s admission that he took steroids doesn’t matter. It doesn’t matter to the game of baseball. It doesn’t matter to the average fan. It doesn’t matter to the Hall of Fame. It doesn’t matter to life.
Tell me someone who cares right now… Seriously, give me one person who’s not a blowhard columnist, talking head on TV, or your grandpa who watched Golden Joe hit for 342 straight games (or whatever). I bet grandpa doesn’t even give a shit at this point. Hell, he’s probably been poppin’ prednizone for the last two decades. He’s a roid user! Somebody call the feds!! Get that man in front of a Congressional Hearing. He’s destroying the integrity of Octogenarians everywhere!
We already know that everyone has been juicing for the last umpteen years of professional baseball. Any power hitter… Every power hitter is a suspect, and at this point we usually just assume that he’s shooting himself in the ass (not that there’s anything wrong with that). Canseco? User. McGwire? User. Sosa? User. Your mom? I used her.
You can’t sit back and act high and mighty because of any of this information. Who cares? They already got paid and we were the ones that paid them. We knew this was going on from the get go. Guys don’t explode like McGwire, Giambi, Sosa, Bonds, and all the rest of the baseball players-turned World’s Strongest Man. Shit, there were enough kids taking steroids in high school for this to be an obvious trend. And you know what? They got more chicks then you. Sure they beat the shit out of them during their weekly rages, but whatever. You were jealous, admit it.
A friend of mine brought up a good point a couple months back. Though, its context has nothing to do with steroids, baseball, sports, or anything related to this post it still seems relevant. I said something to the effect of “I just fucking hate people that buck the system,” so we’ll change “people” to “baseball players” and in this case “the system” is a “clean game of baseball.” The reply to me was “they’re not bucking the system. They’re using all the leeway that the system affords them.”
So, guess what. That’s exactly how it goes in the case of the MLB vs. Steroids. Can we just stop talking about it? Now that the “rules” are now in place let’s move on and prosecute/persecute as we move forward. Who cares about Mark McGwire? Nobody.
Playoffs? Playoffs? Playoffs? Who wants a recap of the weekend’s football? Get it, Aaron Rodgers? Football! Foot ball!!! Here you go!!!
What, the coffin fail wasn’t enough analysyzinging for you? /ingrates. That video was actually the best analysis one could hope for. Excepting the Cards and Pack, the weekend was full of competitive fail, starting early on Thursday with Gs Up, Horns Down. But this Smear shall be about professional footballing, not burnt orange bloodletting.
Caution: This isn’t going to be brief, so go ahead and get a cup of coffee, go to the bathroom, make sure you don’t have any meetings in the next 2 hours, etc… You’ve been fairly warned.
Side Note of Personal Privilege: The NFL Playoffs are a special time to the Random Family. The Random Baby was born 2 days before the last Super Bowl, which we watched from her hospital room at the Women’s Hospital of Texas, which true to name does have a lot of women. If you’ll indulge me with 2 “then and now” pics, and then we can get on to the motherlovery. Thanks.
Then...
Now!!!
Cards at Packers: Holy crap, that was the crazyassest thing I ever done see. Starting with Aaron Rodgers throwing one little pass to his brother from another mother, Dominique Rodgers-Cromartie, it looked like the game was going nowhere fast, but ended up going fastwhere fast, knowhatimsayin? There are too many things to analyze, so I’ll analyze none of them and instead in homage to Rex making overcomplicated dumb nicknames ala Chris Berman, I’ll make overcomplicated dumbass nicknames. Kurt “Time” Warner “Brothers” had the best game anyone could expect from God’s chosen son. The news about him possibly retiring isn’t surprising, given that God’s other son, Tim Tebow, is coming in the league next year. This is just like the plot of Little Nicky. Or Highlander.
There can be only one (son of YHWH).
Aaron Carter Rodgers had himself a fine game besides the 1st and 5th quarters, too. Steve “My” Breaston”Brings All the Boys to the Yard” was supposed to be the guy who stepped up in the absence of Avon BarksdaleAnquan Boldin, but instead Early Doucet kept his pimp hand strong with 2 first half TDs. I’d make up a name for Early if he didn’t sound like a gunslinger from Deadwood. Hey Early, 1789 called – they want their name back! Lolololololol. I also don’t have a name for Darnel Docket, but just know that he goes on the list of “guys I least want The Random Baby to date in 2030″. That list looks a little something like this:
Very little was more awesome than that interception return for a touchdown. A touchdown after interception… A TAINT if you will. #57 Marcell Dareus was a quarterback killer last night. He had no regard for human life, specifically the lifeforms of Colt “My Arm Doesn’t Hurt, It’s Dead” McCoy and Garrett “What’s Eating” Gilbert “Grape” (that nickname is a lot more difficult than I anticipated). Dareus was the man that we all have to thank for knocking McCoy out of the game. It only took five plays before the overrated QB was hustling out of the stadium and to the X-Ray machines. Quite an impressive feat.
On top of that, #57 da QBee Killa, had one of the all time great stiff arms on Gilbert after intercepting a shovel pass at the end of the first half. How does a shovel pass get intercepted? Just watch the clip above. That’s how it happens. It’s one part luck, one part timing, and one part ineptness which equals all parts awesome. Then, if you’re doing it right, you run straight at the quarterback, grab him by the throat and throw him to the turf. After that, you use the slowest spin move you can possibly muster to avoid the last white shirt standing between you and the endzone and viola!! TAINT!
Congrats to Alabama on their National Championship. Thank you for shutting up these fucking UT fans I have to deal with on a daily basis. But also a sincere “fuck you” to the Crimson Tide. You gave the Longhorn fans an excuse for why they didn’t win. Next time, don’t knock the golden boy out of the game. What’s that you say? He could have played, kinda? Yeah, you’re probably right. Today, Colt McCoy is synonymous with gaping vag (not that it wasn’t for his entire career).
On a quick sidenote before we get into the meat of this post (that’s what she said), Garrett Gilbert actually showed some promise last night. Besides his four interceptions (I’m just assuming this is the correct number because I refuse to look up the stats) he showed that the Longhorns are poised to be very good under his leadership. It was honestly hard to root against the kid last night. I found myself wanting him to throw touchdown passes. I cheered, for the first time in my life, when he tossed the first one. Sure, I hated myself a little bit for letting out a little glee because of a UT score, but I forgave myself soon thereafter.
On to our mostly anonymous quotes from last night, since they proved much more entertaining than the game itself:
“Wait, so this means that Vandervilt is developing an army of killer robots?” asks Wanks about the SEC commercial.
“Or the ultimate sophisticated robotic jack-off arm. Dispense Lubrication! Increase speed!” yells Reggie B as he furtively does the air wanking motion.
“The shoulder bone’s connected to the vagina bone. The vagina bone’s connected to my bone.” Sung by Septimus Rex.
“This is like watching a snuff film.” – Anonymous
“What’s the name of that character in What’s Eating Gilbert Grape?”
“Ummm…. Gilbert?”
“He probably got that because he was fingering that dude’s asshole with brute force,” says Reggie B after UT recovers the onside kick.
“What…The…Fuck?!” asks the rest of the group
“Hey, that’s the kind of shit that happens at the bottom of those piles,” explains a very knowing Reggie B
“HORNS DOWN JUST HAPPENED!!!!” – Really wish i could find a picture of McElroy doing “horns down” but I’ll have to place one in its stead.
Septimus Rex
Reginald Blackstone
Pipez
wanksmacgruber
Josh Being Josh
Moose Knuckle
