There is a lot going on. But isn’t there always? A lot going on...

You must be the Red Dragon?

This time of the sports year is almost overwhelming in the sheer amount of stuff that is going on. Coogs and Texans play (and win) on consecutive days, nullifying anything else that was possibly going to happen this weekend. Like mowing the lawn or feeding the dog. Baseball playoffs are in full hysteria (the crazy kind, not the funny kind) mode. The UFC just had a fantastic PPV on Sat night, where two of the three untouchables (Machida and Lesnar) now look, well, touchable thanks to top-tier challengers (Shogun and Cain Velasquez). Touch it. Even though Shogun lost to Machida, many folks thought he won, meaning we’ll have a rematch in mid 2010. Velasquez, he of the big “Brown Pride” tat in roman script on his chest, will take on Lesnar around the same time, and he might have a decent shot at killing the real life embodiment of Drago. The only untouchable left is GSP, and at some point someone will be ready to take a real shot at him, meaning we’ll have competition at every level. Socialism: goodz 4 sportz. Back to the sports rotunda: fantasy football is in high swing (meaning I’m ready to bury my team and sell off the assets to Wanks McG), sports betting is firing on all cylinders, and basketball is about to start. Soccer is still going, albeit no one knows where. The very underrated hockey is back. Plus this is top running season for anyone below the mason-dixon line, with half and full marathons a-plenty, and the start of triathlon season is only about 4 months away. So, in summary, there is a lot going on. But there always is, isn’t there? A lot going on. Sitting on your couch with a remote is the equivalent of a lazy susan.

One more thing about the UFC, and I’ll keep it short since no one else cares. We have a friend, one we might call “Mohn Junoz” for lack of a better anagram. Is it an anagram if you only change two letters? Anyway, Mr. Junoz loves him some non-caucasian fighters in the UFC. He becomes a huge fan on anyone who has a tinge of brown. It took me about a year and a half to figure this pattern out because Mr. Junoz is pretty subtle about his reverse racism. But there really hasn’t been a strong latino fighter in the UFC for a while, besides mid-tier guys like Roger Huerta and Frankie Edgar. I guess Diego Sanchez is kind of a big deal, but he always struck me as having more of a New Mexico flavor than, say, an ‘old Mexico’ style. Although he did used to come out to a mariachi band playing his intro music. In any case, Cain Velasquez is 100% vato loco. The “Brown Pride” tat on his chest is the best part. It just struck me that the reason that Goldfish and I haven’t seen Mr. Junoz out and about at UFC PPVs is I haven’t been out in almost a year because of The Random Babyhe is sitting in his room masturbating to the thought of Velasquez taking the belt from Brock Lesnar, the whitest guy in the history of sports. Lesnar is from Minnesota and he lives in the woods. So, in summary, Mr. Junoz has his brown fighters and Goldfish champions the Afro American fighters because he doesn’t want his girlfriend to cut him with a knife. I feel like I should be able to champion a race or ethnicity or indigenous peoples. I did some research and there aren’t a lot of Jewish fighters. Maybe I should champion the Brits or Canadians? I’d be a front-runner if I adopted the Canadians (GSP), but the Brits seem like a good choice – good fighters but not too good yet (upside, baby), a country that is invested in the future of MMA, plus I’ve got one British friend (Wanks MacG) and one time I even went to Wal Mart to buy a UK flag t-shirt to meet him to drink at Richmond Arms. That should make me an honorary Brit. From now on, I’ll apologize for everything and look down my nose at you new world lads across the pond while having my tea and crumpets. Mike Bisping for life!

I'm Mike Bisping from the UK. You must be the USA!

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