You may have noticed the lack of posts on Fourth and Fifty recently, but that’s because we have been working hard behind the scenes to trying to get bigger and better (get it?).  One of things we were working on was an exclusive interview that no other major media outlet could bring you. So, after countless hours spend calling pharmacies and sports trainers across the US, we finally caught up with one of the most controversial subjects in sports today, Steroids.*

All meat and no potatoes

Fourth and Fifty: Glad to have you on our site. What made you decide to interview with us instead of any of the big names like Jim Rome, Skip Bayless, or Mike and Mike?

Steroids: Well, all those guys are paid to frown upon me, and I am not going to walk in to an interview that is going to turn into a firing squad.

FAF: So, what makes you think that we will treat you any differently? We think you are just as bad.

Steroids: But you aren’t paid to say that, besides what makes you think that I am so bad?

FAF: Well the government has deemed you illegal for starters.

Steroids: What does that have anything to do with it? Cigarettes are legal, marijuana isn’t. For a period of time alcohol was illegal. Is the government’s opinion really all that credible?

FAF: Ok, I will concede that to you, but you will make my testicles smaller, so I’m going to say that anything that shrinks testicles is bad for you.

Steroids: Touche, but would you trade your testicles for the ability to do things athletically that were once thought to be impossible?

FAF: No, but only because I would then need my testicles for all the chicks that I impressed with my superhuman feats.

Steroids: But you could just get prosthetic balls like A-Rod, why do you think he can’t perform under pressure… ZING!

FAF: I think both parties would prefer the originals. So, why don’t you tell us about some of the high-profile athletes you get to hang around with on a daily basis?

Steroids: I prefer not to kiss and tell, and to be honest I don’t remember half of the guys I’ve been with, I’ve gotten more athlete ass than a Vegas stripper. Don’t be fooled because I look like I’m all meat and no potatoes, I’m potent!

FAF: Have you noticed a decline since the crack-down in the MLB?

Steroids: A little bit, but we area going to start marketing to the kids now like cigarettes. We are brain storming new spokesmen who don’t make us look bad like Jose Canseco.

FAF: Ummm… I’m afraid to ask…. What are they

Steroids: Well we have Steroid Cowboy, who is like your John Wayne character only bigger, and my personal favorite, Steroid Camel, who is the ultimate cool guy and gets all the ladies all because he does steroids. We are also going to float rumors that steroids make your brain bigger and that bigger equals smarter. Trying to work on a new demographic. Hopefully all high school and college kids will be on steroids

FAF: Wow…. Well, good luck with that**…. And thanks for stopping by and talking to us.

-Pipez

* = Steroids may or may not have actually interviewed with us as they are an inanimate object

** = We do not condone the use of steroids (or swimming in cold water) because we do not condone package shrinkage.