See what they did there? The pin's situated in Georgia... silly goose.

So April is upon us.  With that comes the Masters.  Not only the greatest golf tournament of the year, but also the greatest sporting event of the year.  Period.  Most people will tell you it is the Super Bowl, but I challenge that notion.  Why is it the greatest sporting event you ask?

Well let me elaborate:

First of all, we’ll go with the obvious.  The Super Bowl is one day.  One stinking day.  And the game only lasts, what, 4 hours at best?  I mean talk about blowing your load too soon.  People look forward to that match-up all season only to have it end in one short session.

The Masters on the other hand is four long and pleasurable days.  It’s the tantric sex of sporting events.  I mean come on, you get Thursday, Friday, Saturday, and the all important Masters Sunday where anything is possible.  After the first day of bloodshed, there are still 3 more exhilarating days to go.

Secondly, the Masters allows past champions to return and play.  Every year you get to see the greats tee it up again.  Jack, Arnie, Gary, etc.  Do you recall a recent Super Bowl where Bart Starr suited up for one last game?  I don’t think so.  As exciting as that would be to see Mean Joe Green to rip the face of of T.O. (assuming his bitch ass ever makes it to the big game again), it just is not happening.

Third, the Super Bowl only has two teams battling it out.  The Masters starts out with 150 give or take.  Therefore the Masters is 75 times better in regards to competition.  Beat that Roger.  Thursday morning it is anyone’s game.  (Except David Duval.  He’ll never have a chance again.)  In the Super Bowl, you have a pretty good idea who is going to win.  It’s either gonna be the home team or the away team.  Not much excitement there if you ask me.  I mean really, why do people tune in to a game where only two teams are playing.  Have you ever seen a Super Bowl by itself [Ed. Note - Very end of the clip], not for me.

Fourth,  Tiger Woods.  The Super Bowl does not have Tiger Woods.  The Masters does.  Enough said.  It also has Phil Mickelson’s epic melt downs and Sergio Garcia’s need to blame everyone else but himself for bad play.  There is no team in “I”, but there’s a “go fuck yo’self.”

Fifth, the Masters also has Tiger Woods’ wife.  Also enough said.  This brings me to another point though.  Golf wives are hotter.  How do I determine this?  Well they actually get shown on TV.  As compared to the Super Bowl.  I mean can you think of the last time you actually saw a player’s wife highlighted on TV?  The only one that comes to mind is of course big, Brenda Warner.  Let’s face it, she ain’t got it going on.  I’m honestly surprised she hasn’t been asked to suit up by the losing team once in a while.  But golf wives… Hot.

Have you seen Tiger’s wife?  Have you seen Phil’s wife?  Have you seen all the wives?  Like 90% of them are crazy delicious.  That just adds to the Masters when they get shown on TV cheering on their husbands.  I mean you have great golf and possible camel toe sightings all in one spot.  Plus, if the golf gets boring (which is very unlikely) or one-sided, you can always ask yourself:  “How many golf balls could she suck through this hose?”  Or, “I would not mind playing out of that rough.”  If you don’t get that one, I’ll explain it to you when you’re balls drop.

Sixth, (and this will be last reason… for now), in honor of the great University of Houston, the Masters has Fred Couples and Jim Nance.  They were roommates in their days at UH.  They actually lived in Taub Hall in the quads.  You know what rocks?  I also lived in Taub Hall.  Can you beat that Super Bowl?  I didn’t think so.

So those are my reasons for this year.  Next year, there will always be more.  If you don’t agree with them, I’ll be happy to fight you or at least have a trivia battle at the local BW3’s.

Quite simply put, the Masters is the ultimate sporting event of the year.  Don’t get me wrong, the Super Bowl is great.  On a scale of 1 to 10, it is assuredly a 10.  But the Masters has that ability to go one extra.  When the Super Bowl stops at 10, the Masters keeps it going.  On a scale of 1 to 10, the Masters is an 11.  It goes to 11.

Say hello to your mother for me,
Moose Knuckle

[AP Photo/David J. Phillip]