And that is not a euphemism for some kind of sexually deviant act. Mario don’t play that. This is going to be a big year for Mario Williams, as demanded by Kubiak. Mario had 12 sacks in 2008, 14 in 2007 and 4.5 in his 2006 rookie campaign.

Coach wants to see a Defensive Player of the Year type performance from the only great thing Charlie Casserly ever did, and he has every right to expect that.  And Mario will come through, with some help of course. It will be the year that he dominates the defensive line, Mario Bros style:

The Frog suit will enable Mario to perform super-amphibian-level swim moves to blow by offensive linemen. That frog suit can zip you around at the speed of light. But why stop there? There are various other suits at Mario’s disposal.

The Raccon Suit: The spin move. With this suit, Mario will become a tornado bursting through the line to whip players to the ground.

The Hammer Suit: Mario will crush the opposition with swift and mighty blows.

Last but certainly not least…

The Fire Suit: Holy shit, the possibilities are endless. Balls of fire will reign down on the opposing team with great vengance and furrrrrrrrious anger. People like Joe Thomas and Jake Long will burst into flames and fall into a quivering heap before the mighty Mario.

Utilizing these advantages should help Mario prosper in 2009. With his new teammate, Antonio “Luigi” Smith, and the ever-present DeMeco “Toad” Ryans, the Texans defense should be set to storm the castle and take down Bowser.

- Wanks MacGruber

[Image from here]

April 13, 2009
Categories: Houston Texans, NFL, Video Games . Tags: dominating, Houston Texans, Mario Williams . Author: wanksmacgruber

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