The one where “S. Rex: Professional Blogger” is unleashed upon the feeble and unsuspecting.

Restrictor plate racing: Where Amazing(ly dangerous) happens.

There is a friendly understanding that I have with a friend.  Let’s call it a “competition” or “rivalry” between two “friends.”  I pretend to care about NASCAR (especially when Kyle Busch wins and Carl Edwards doesn’t) and they finally admit that Duke is a completely hate-inducing team.  Unfortunately, part two of that hasn’t quite come to fruition, but we’re making progress.  So, since the above picture happened and I no longer have totalitarian control over the FaF Smear, I’m writing about it a day late.

This is only the second time that we’ve ever admitted on this site that the world of auto-racing exists.  Mostly because of some incredible flying FAIL on the part of the #99 car we are taking the time to talk about it now.  I always I assumed that NASCAR drivers and fans took Talladega Nights with a tongue-in-cheek attitude, but Carl really exhibits an appreciation for the film (oh, peaches n’ cream).

Fortunately, no one died from the scattering of debris into the stands that resulted from the crash, though several were injured.  I’m sure that this will end up causing a slew of “this is much too dangerous of a spectator sport” commentary.  Yeah, no shit.  So was being a spectator at the Palace on 11/19/04 or being a Mets fan or going to any South American soccer futbol game (that last link is from Turkey, but, hell, they set the stadium on fire).

NASCAR isn’t going away.  Half the attraction is the ability of these “athletes” (yes, I’m still going to use the term loosely) to control a vehicle at speeds upwards of 200mph.  You’re not going to retain a fan-base by throwing them on trikes.  So, just make sure that the spectators are as safe as possible and the drivers’ equipment limits the risk to their own lives to the highest degree and we can keep on going in left-looping ovals.

Oh, and lest I forget… Nuggets v. Hornets? OUCH!!!!!11!@!!11!!!ONE!1!!! Fifty-eight points.  Yikes.

Up ahead are you Houston sports updates:

TEXANS -  You must realize one thing:  From here on out it’s all draft analysis and re-analysis.  We’re going to take this one little nugget of football “action” and run with it until the end of summer.  But, Holy Okoye, what an awesome headline:  “A Trojan Horse Lands in Houston.”  The only possible improvement would be “Texans: Finally Using Trojans, Rest of AFC South Unprotected”

ROCKETS – We’ve had a little too much fun at the expense of the Blazer fans lately.  They’re new, people.  They don’t know how to react to playful criticism, apparently.  Until the 2007 NBA Draft they didn’t even know they still had a team in Oregon.  Most had figured that Portland was a lost cause, completely overrun with Hipsters who used American Spirits smoke bombs and an impenetrable defense of body odor to secure the downtown streets.  Write this down, kiddos.  This is real history.  I’m a modern day Thucydides.

ASTROS – Don’t call it a win streak.  Houston beat Cincinnati 4-1 thanks to Hunter Pence.  Roy Oswalt had the start but could not secure the victory before heading to the dugout after the 7th inning.  Pence’s double came in the ninth.  What’s wrong, Roy-O?  You sprain the vag again?  Can’t make it a complete game every time out on the mound? Hey, Astros.  Help our Ace out.  He deserves a couple of these wins you can’t seem to shore up until the late innings.

AEROS – The dream of IHL immortality is alive and well for the Aeros.  Marking possibly the last time Fourth and Fifty will ever reference the PJStar, the Rivermen were no match for the team from Houston.  Looks like the PJStar didn’t even give a shit by the end of the seven game series based on their less than 150 word recount of the game.  Or, maybe that’s just the bitter taste of defeat.

UNIVERSITY OF HOUSTON -  It’s deja vu all over again.  Mike Pede (pronounced like “bidet“), are you ready for round two of getting your hopes up?  The Chronicle is saying that friends, family, alumni and even the campus squirrels are trying to get Pede to apply for the Athletic Director vacancy, a position he applied for seven years ago that he lost out on to Dave Maggard.  [Ed. Note - Reginald Blackstone already wrote about Mike Pede... My bad.]

RICE UNIVERSITY – As of yesterday’s rankings the Owls’ baseball team is #3 by the USA Today/ESPN Coaches Poll, #2 by Baseball America, #8 by Collegiate Baseball.  But, they will always be #1 in my heart.

- S. Rex: Professional Blogger

[Photo from NYTimes.com]