The one where I start this early and finish late.  Know what I’m sayin’?

Look at me, steroid free!

Look, let’s get this out of the way.  I trust zero baseball players.  None.  Zip.  Zilch.  Nil.

That has to be close to a consensus among the average fan.  Unless you’re looking at “Sport” (big “S”) through rose colored glasses we’re all skeptical of the professional athlete – even amateur athlete – at this point.  That’s just the way it is. LSD is out.  Steroids are in.  Your favorite player is probably on drugs.

Unfortunately that’s a safe thing to say these days.  Some of you are reading this and saying, “there’s absopositively no way that Craig Biggio took steroids.”  Do you know that for sure?  Do you really really know that for sure?  I don’t.  Because, like I said before, I don’t trust baseball players anymore (plus, I heard that Biggio was one of the biggest dicks in the clubhouse [no homo]).

So, is it any surprise that Manny Ramirez has come up as testing positive for a banned substance?  No, not really.  Even if it is a female fertility drug?  Actually, that even less of surprise than if it has been steroids or HGH or LSD.  Only Manny would test positive for a female fertility drug [Ed. Note - Fourth and Fifty has not done any research to prove whether or not other players have tested positive for this drug, but that only adds to the allure of reading further].

My only rationalization is that Manny’s favorite movie is Mr. Mom and really, REALLY wanted to have a baby of his own.  In fact, I’m willing to accept this as his validation of choice.  After all, he is a resident of California.  Who the hell knows how they justify things over on the Left Coast these days?  Just don’t try to implicate him with cheating when he was with the Red Sox.  I just don’t think I could handle that.

[Ed. Note - Lord, please help us if they ever find out that Albert Pujols has taken steroids.  As an Astros fan this seems like an odd request, but if the media ever finds that A-Puj (pronounced Apu) has taken performance enhancing drugs then baseball will cease to exist.]

After the jump are your Houston sports (completely unrelated to steroids and HGH and any other performance enhancing drug) updates:

TEXANS – Darius Walker – who we talked about here – has decided to sign with the Denver Broncos which finally make the relationship between the Broncos and Texans inclusive.  Actually, I take that back.  This move just makes the love between Denver and Houston even more incestuous than it already was.  When does the wife-swapping start?

ROCKETS – Game three is tonight (8:30 Central Time) in Houston.  Derek Fischer has been suspended for the game, meaning, the back court of the Rockets (which should have been at an advantage already) should be able to dictate the game.  Earlier this week I refused to pick on the game due to a refusal to jinx the home team.  I stand by that.  However, I still believe that the refs should preemptively tee-up Kobe Bryant before the game for being a complete and utter dick-head.  (If you’re going to call it in the fourth quarter you may as well call it in the first [or before]).

ASTROS – At least the Astros made it interesting in the ninth inning before The Big Puma folded for the last out.  Does scoring three runs in the final inning equate to “making it interesting?”  No?  Then, never mind I said anything at all.  Final score, eight to five.  Three runs in the final inning usually means a win, but not when you’re down six.  Funny how logic works sometimes.

AEROS – HOUSTON BRIGHT SPOT ALERT!!!!  The Aeros are now up three to one in the series against the Admirals.  Seventeen people clicked that link on Fourth and Fifty before I even posted this.  That’s how excited Houston fans are about the Aeros!  Houston is one win away from the finals after their 2-0 shut-out of the team from Milwaukee.

HOUSTON COLLEGES and UNIVERSITIES - For those of you that know people that are graduating this week, here are the schedules with their speaking arrangements.  For those of you that no longer have friends that are under/grad/law/MBA/MLA/MLS/PhD/Anything else friends, congrats on not having to come up with another $50 gift and/or bar tab to make it through the night.

- S. Rex, Professional Blogger

[Picture from Feeling Dodger Blue - no word on if they have this photo legally or not]