As you all must know by now there is a vast left wing conspiracy to land the “Dream Match-Up” for the NBA finals.  Who’s better, The Black Mamba or King James?  The only way it can be decided is if they face each other in playoffs.  Who cares?  We would just get the same hypothetical question the next year.  If Kobe wins against LeBron, next year we’ll hear, is LeBron as good as Kobe when he was in his prime?, or if LeBron beats Kobe, we’ll hear, well Kobe just isn’t in his prime anymore, so is LeBron really better?  I’m rooting against this match up even taking place.  Preferably with the Lakers missing the Finals all together.  There are plenty of characters left in the playoffs, so it should be entertaining regardless.

I know how much Septimus Rex likes links, so this paragraph is dedicated to him.  The players and coaches that are left in the playoffs have some interesting characteristics.  Hedo Turkoglu looks like Timmy from South Park.  Dwight Howard likes tossing salads on the basket ball court.  Pau Gasol looks like an ostrich.  Mike Brown looks like Kami from DBZ.  Andrew Bynum looks like Tracy Morgan.  Phil Jackson always sounds like he’s taking a crap when he talks. For some reason Carmelo Anthony has a tattoo of the WB on his left chest/shoulder.  Chris Andersen figured out that having tattoos makes you better at basket ball so he got Honky-Tonk tattooed on his abdomen.  After looking at many pictures I realized that the discoloration on Delonte West’s lower left lip is just that, it’s not a bruise or a case of the herpes.  Zydrunas  Ilgauskas looks like John Turturro, but without hair.  Anderson Varejao looks like Side Show Bob.

-Reginald Blackstone

Image [rivalfish.com]