Back to the fact, I’m a mack and I know that.

Un, deux, trois... Trois points pour cette balle.

It’s been mostly exasperating listing to Jeff Van Gundy during these playoffs.  I’m not sure when he went from decent commentator to downright annoying sideline pundit.  Instead of his historically insightful words he’s changed to being the NBA’s number one opponent on rules, fouls and governance.  I don’t want to hear you talk about that JVG.  That’s what bloggers are for.

Despite all that he had a moment of “genius” yesterday during the Lakers/Nuggets game.  J.R. Smith will henceforth be known as “Smitty.”  I don’t care what you say.  We’re I’m sticking to my guns here.  The nickname is just generic, stupid, cliche, inaccurate enough to be comical.  Think about it.  Next time I write about J.R. I can post a picture of a cat, rapper, drummer, comic strip character…  The possibilities are endless.

You can listen to Smitty tell the story of Game Four yourself right here.

Or, you can take my word that the Nuggets beat the Lakers by 19 in Denver last night.  Smitty had team-high 24 points (tied with Chauncey Billups) playing 28 minutes off the bench.  Them’s a good average.  The final two trey’s he hit at the end of the game were downright awesome… mostly because it was like watching the last two nails in the coffin slam down.  I haven’t cheered so much when the outcome of the game has been obvious since the Rockets stopped playing.

So, as we finish out the final two legs of the season Fourth and Fifty will continue to accrue man-crush-type feelings for the rest of the league.  It’s starting to get a bit out of hand with four already in the running: Brandon Roy, Chris “Birdman” Andersen, Smitty(!) and Sasha Vujacic (only for his “Machine” videos).

The pheromones in here are flying.

Time to move on to our real loves, Houston sports updates!

TEXANS – I’m not rich enough to subscribe to justify a membership to Street & Smith’s Sports Business Journal just to read this article.  So, allow me to wildly prognosticate what’s behind the virtual door… The shitty economy is effecting the NFL’s projected revenue in regards to seat sales.  YES!  Score another one for captain obvious.

ROCKETS – This isn’t necessarily Houston Rockets related… It’s more of a Communist Takeover Alert.  Hide the women, children and liquidated capital you have lying around the house!!  The Communists are coming and starting to take over our professional sports leagues.  The Cavaliers are trying to negotiate selling part of the team to a Chinese investment group.

ASTROS – Small-ball?!  We don’t need no stinkin’ small-ball!  You can take your preaching of defense, base-hits and stolen bases and find a choir that will listen.  We’re perfectly happy to watch our team give up a glorious eight un-earned runs due to errors and miscues.  Sounds awesome.  I bet you think that the Astros won… I’ve got a secret, they didn’t.

AEROS – Houston’s last post-season hope was squashed by the Mannitoba Moose in game six of the Calder Cup semi-finals.  When is the parade downtown for our heroes supposed to happen?

UNIVERSITY of HOUSTON – Kevin Kolb, expert in all things “sitting on the bench” was recently asked his opinion on Michael Vick coming back to the NFL.  His omniscient answer, “it’s going to be difficult.”  I might be paraphrasing, but whatever.  My favorite part of the article that was published with the “interview” is the comments section.  Feel free to peruse.  My favorite:

KOLB? “For who,for what”..Do we really care? He blows and I am NOT surprised by his statements. He clearly thinks some people, himself being one of them, are superior and cannot tolerate when others are clearly superior to thee. Kick RocKs Kolb.

I’m pretty sure that’s what Scott & Holman said when they were interviewed about Fourth and Fifty.

- Septimus Rex

[Image from NY Daily News]