The one where the Cooga music just got a little softa… 

Poor piano. Not even the cat can play this one off. Or can he? See the bottom of the post.

These are hard economic times. Everyone knows it and everyone is adjusting in their own way. I maintain if we censored Fantasy Football and porn on the internet, our national productivity would go up like 37%. But that idea just isn’t very American, is it? Here is how UH is adjusting – I got this letter in the mail:

Dear Alumni,

We are pleased to notify you that many fine pianos used in the Moores School of Music are now available for purchase. These include grand pianos, baby grands, studios, consoles, and pianos….

All School of Music Pianos used in this program will be offered to alumni, facult, staff, students, and friends at reduced prices before being sold to the general public….

You may select an instrument by calling the piano information line at 713.743.9300 and making a private appointment….

There is more to the letter, but I can’t contain my thoughts any longer. They are like Athena springing from my head in full armour. First, there are too many types of pianos. I guess there are 5 types and 9 brands that are listed in the letter. Too many – this is what happens when we let the invisible hand of the market screw things up. One brand, government sponsored. Who is with me, comrades?  Second, poor Moores School of Music. Once the cultural lifeblood of America’s 2nd most diverse university, now relegated to selling their shit off. Now what will all the Music majors do with their degrees?  (See, that was a joke.)

Thirdly, a whole private line for the piano auction? You might think that this is an addition to someone else’s job, probably in the development office, but knowing UH and universities in general, I’d bet money that they hired a Manager of Piano Sale Asset Reductions and gave him two assistants. Universities have the fattest-ass overheads of any business, ever. They fail at efficiency. And usually at life. Fourth, if I ever become a rapper, I’m taking “Baby Grand Piano” as my nickname. After the shows, I’ll ask all the hos if they want to see my Baby Grand. Lastly, I like how they’re offering the pianos at reduced prices to… everyone before they open up the auction to…everyone. This is kind of like being pre-approved for a credit card: the first time it happens, it makes you feel special. But then you realize your dog gets the same pre-approved offers, and his credit is terrible (because you used him to co-sign on your mortgage). Trickeration at its best worst.

This is the day the music died for teh Coogz. Here are your local Houston sports updates:

Astros: Lost to the Reds 6-1. The who should be fired first?  talk has already started.

Aeros: This isn’t about the Aeros, per se. Pianos might not be recession-proof, but you know who is? Zambonis. Here is an article from the New York Times about Zamboni history and business model.

Texans: Battle Red Blog is covering the OTAs. Apparently Chris Brown is still trying to make impact the team. I hate him because of what he did to Rhianna. I read all about it in the The Random Baby Momma’s US Weekly. Scoff if you will, but there is no better “shit-taking” magazine than US Weekly. You married fellas out there know exactly what I’m saying.

Rockets: Apparently the Chinese company that is buying our government the Cavs all of America also has a marketing deal with the Rockets. Forget for a second that this makes good business sense and put on your ethnocentric racist hat. The commies are going to ruin our team! We should throw rocks at them when they get to America, ala Gangs of New York (1:40 into the clip). Or maybe you should throw rocks, because FaF is like 3 months from being bought out by Chinese investors. Hopefully. Hey China, we’ve tapped into the cultural zeitgist and are growing by leaps and bounds twos and threes. Make us a sweetheart deal – 40% ownership share with full creative control and a take-home vehicle (not the Nissan Versa – I’ve seen Heroes and that thing is too small). Or 7 Yen. Either, really.

Coogs: Seun Adigun is C-USA’s track athlete of the year! Here is the article. Our Main Man Leroy Burrell won Coach of the Year! Not that Leroy, this one silly! Goldfish, you’re welcome for the Leeeroy Jenkins video. Consider it payment for the UFC game review.

Dynamo: Still play soccer.  Occasionally.

And I guess there is only one way to end this post. Hopefully the cat can finish its song before the IRS takes away the Moores School of Music console piano…

Photo from here.

May 28, 2009
Categories: Daily FaF Smear, University of Houston . Tags: Chris Brown, Houston Rockets, leroy burrell, moores school of music needs money, seun adigun, zamboni article . Author: Josh Being Josh

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