I got time.  I’m so patient.  I’d just like some information.

Best free throw shooter, EVER.

One day, if/when I have kids I’m going to flip on the boob-tube, change the channel to TNT during the playoffs and point to the fat bald man on the right side of the screen and say “see, you little shits, that’s the person you need to emulate.”  Mr. I’m Not a Role Model is really the only true person we should be striving to be.

Forget about all the “tossing a midget out the window” stuff or the bad golf swing or his massive appetite.  All that is in the past.  Just this year alone Charles Barkley has  given us enough reasons to exalt him.  From serving time for the almost-blowski in Vegas to this past weekend calling his producer a *cough* pussy *cough* on the air.  The Round Mound of Sound pulls off the cough-cover-insult with the greatest of ease.  Isn’t this the stuff that we want our kids to learn?

Apparently Barkely received a rap of the ruler to the knuckles for his little stunt.  I ask, what’s the point?  Let the man ride.  He’s on a roll.  He could be one of the all-time greats if you keep the muzzle off of him.  Which begs the question… How the hell does Joe Buck get a talk show on HBO and Barkely is left in the cold?  Am I the only person that recognizes that Barkely uncensored on premium cable is the best idea ever?

On to your Houston sports updates:

TEXANS – Don’t worry everybody… Andre Johnson wants to win Super Bowls.  You can all breathe a sigh of relief now.  I know that we’ve all be sitting behind our computer screens questioning this guy’s heart for the last five years.  It’s hard to take a guy seriously that manages to be the best player on his team as quietly as possible year in and year out.  It’s still harder to have faith in a guy that rarely sits out because of injury.  But, finally we have confirmation that he is indeed playing to win.  Phew.  Stupid Canadian Press…

ROCKETS – Do you know what’s good about the Orlando Magic being in the NBA Finals?  It means that Houstonians will be reminded for at least four games about the glory days of the Rockets.  1995 will never die!  It’s a small mention in the Wall Street Journal article about teams relying on the three-ball and making it to the Finals, but I’m going to take it.

ASTROS – Run support?  We don’t need no stinkin’ “run support!”  Not when Roy-O’s on the mound anyway.  Oswalt pitched seven innings only giving up one run in the Astros’ win over the Rockies.  Houston’s turning a corner, I tell you.  Watch for the run they make up until the All-Star break.  Mark my words.  (Actually, don’t.  I don’t even believe them, but I had to say them so I can yell “I TOLD YOU SO” late on.)

DYNAMO – I feel like I’ve been answering a lot of questions lately about the new Dynamo stadium.  Let’s link it up for everyone to see.

• The stadium could open in 2010 and would be in Minute Maid Park’s parking lot C. [Houstonist]
• Here’s a map of where it’s supposed to be. [Outside.In]
• Here are some pictures of the proposed design. [Swamplot]

- Septimus Rex

[Photo from here]