The FaFU is the biggest, bestest, dumpiest, link-dump you’ve never heard of.  It’s a weekly installment here on Fourth and Fifty because we had to find some filler for Wednesdays.  If you don’t like may it you feel the fury of a foot to the face.

10) Cleveland Cavaliers – Why did you have to go and fuck everything up?  I had plans, big plans.  I was going to write an NBA Finals preview and lace it with witty banter about how the NBA was conspiring the whole season and all that kind of cliche stuff.  I even found these videos of Clevelanders (Clevelandians?) making fun of their own city (Vidoe 1 and Video 2: highly recommended).  Now, even the LeBron puppet doesn’t have a home.  Assholes.

9) Fatties – I swear we’re not totally against the big-boned around here.  It seems like it sometimes though.  Apparently all Forbes does online is posts lists.  Everybody loves a good list.  Except when that list has your hometown as the 41st fattest city in the country.  At least this is better than previous years.  Including Baytown as part of the city of Houston just seems unfair though.  I hear they are all sorts of fat across the ship channel.

8) Delivery Dudes – So, that’s what you’ve been doing all these years!  Fuck a Dolly.  All you need is a couple of hands and feet and some innovation.  Delivering packages like your creating the base for your snowman is probably not the best idea.  Need to switch that up a little bit Delivery Dude.  Especially when someone is taping you.

7) Customer Benefit of the Doubt – The customer is always right?  Wrong, bitch.  The customer is more often than not an imbecile.  Check out the new user-generated website Not Always Right.  Wow, there are some real idiots out there.  Not that this case hasn’t happened to Reginald Blackstone several times:

Me: “…and what is the name of your baby’s father?”

Customer: “I don’t know his name.”

Me: “Well, can you at least give a physical description and approximate age?”

Customer: “No, I can’t. It was night, and he never took off his crash helmet…”

6) Slaps to the Face – Nothing is much funnier than a slap to the face – when you’re not the one on a receiving end – especially when you manage to instigate a slap for no particular reason.  I’ve had a hell of a time trying to embed this video in the post, so you’re going to have to take my word for it and click on this link if the video below doesn’t work.

5) Awkward Family Photos – This site got sent to me by two different people on the same day last week.  It’s pure genius.  Awkward Family Photos is basically the step-brother to We Have Lasers!!!!! (an equally as awesome site).  Makes me wonder if I need to submit the picture that my family and I took at Six Flags Astroworld where we all dressed up as gangsters and flappers…  On second thought, probably not.  To distract you from what I just said, this is my favorite recent AFP.

4) Facebook – Facebook made stalking a little less awkward and a lot more easy.  “Ha, I’m looking at my ex-girlfriend’s page right now!  She has no idea!!  Look at all these pictures where it looks like she’s having a grand time with guys that aren’t me… Oh, this is so pathetic.” But, Facebook makes everything else a little more awkward than normal, such as this submission by TRG:

[THE Random Wife] said on Facebook that you two are married. We need you to confirm that you are, in fact, married to [THE Random Wife]. To confirm this relationship request, follow the link below:

http://www.facebook.com/n/?home.php.HOLY SHIT THIS IS AWKWARD

Thanks,

The Facebook Team

Writing like this:

“The USA Men’s National Team put a good showing against its Ireland
counterpart, keeping the fourth-ranked side to just 27 points, while
scoring all 10 of its points in the second half to keep Ireland on
their toes for the entire 80 minutes.”

It grinds my gears when the US Football  and Rugby teams are given
praise for merely hanging on to a low deficit. Call it what it is,  a
loss, poor coaching, weak programs and recruiting in our cities and
towns. We are Americans, we are expected to be numero Uno, (respect,
Ruskie). We don’t need your courtesy laughs when we are telling the
same tired Dane Cook jokes.

Found here:
http://usarugby.org/