My friends are talkin’ and they’re tellin’ you, “Don’t waste your time cause the boy’s bad news“

Houston participates in a world-wide version of "Sorry."

First of all, yes, I did just reference a game that none of you have played in 20+ years.  Secondly, yes, that is our fair city inside a bubble.

Let me paint a picture for you.  Yesterday afternoon I got home from work, checked to make sure that TRG was still the only one commenting on his own post and flipped on the boob-tube (to a non-boob related channel).  I subscribe to ATT Uverse which means I have approximately 15,000 channels to choose from.  Of these, I possibly know 12 channel codes: The WWL’s family of channels, where the movie channels start, Comedy Central and Discovery Channel.  I over-pay roughly 98% for my cable service.

So, there I am, biding my time before Reginald Blackstone would attempt to kill me via weight training, watching Discovery in the hopes of catching some Cash Cab or Myth Busters or whatever slo-mo show they have now.  Instead, they are showing “Mega Engineering!!!!” [exclamation points added] a program that is, ironically enough, about large engineering projects.  Where else do they focus for their inaugural show other than Houston.

Obviously, my ears perk up.  “Sweet, rep our city you basic cable bastards,” is the thought in my head.  Then, I realize the point of the show is pure pandemonium (not “panda-monium” that’s different and it’s at the Houston Zoo).  They’re trying to build a bubble over downtown!  A “mega bubble” if you will.  A biodome on the scale of 2.2 million people.

Why does Houston need a dome over the entire city?  To protect us.  Because we don’t have sufficient defense against hurricanes or mosquitoes or Commander Xenu.  We thought it wasn’t humid enough so we need to create something that captures that all-to-often-rare weather phenomenon.  We already have the 8th Wonder of the World, (yes, it’s still there proliferated with rats and bitter-sweet memories) so why not expound on our dome-centric lifestyle?

This is the best idea ever.  It’s like SimCity is coming to life with their unrealistic “arcologies” that always cost way more money than you could ever have hoped to generate from your fascist Sims.  Those little pricks, always starting fires, wanting you to legalize gambling and their stupid affinity for indoor plumbing.

I’m going to have to reassess this whole “buying a house” itch that I have currently.  I must be inside that dome.  When the world is ending I want to at least think that a ginormous plastic coated Bucky Ball is going to save me.

On to your non-dome, Houston sports updates:

ASTROS – Houston may not be better than the Pirates in record, but at least they’re still better than them on the diamond.  The Astros took the series from Pittsburgh yesterday winning the rubber game 6-4.  Not “rubber” as in “prophylactic” or “Johnny” (Daniel Radcliffe on Extras, highly recommended)… “Rubber” as in the game of bridge.  You know, that old card game that your grandparents used to play.  The one that keeps me looking for three more people that understand the rules so that I can start my highly anticipated bridge club.

TEXANS – Fred Weary, ex-Texans O-Line, dropped his lawsuit (that I didn’t even know existed) against the city of Houston for an incident involving being tased (bro).  Sorry, but whenever I think of tasers I’m going to immediately think of The Hangover and Rob Riggle’s character.  Reginald Blackstone recommended seeing the movie, I’m going to plead with you to see it.  How am I going to make a “I was a wolf pack of one” reference if you, the reader, isn’t going to get it?

ROCKETS – I promised that there would be numerous references to the last time the Magic were in the NBA Finals and were swept by the Rockets.  Here’s the first one that I’ve had the pleasure of linking for you.  1995!!  Ya!  Long-live Clutch City!

UNIVERSITY of HOUSTON – I hope everyone got their e-mail from the Cougar Hype Machine.  The University of Houston as a BCS Buster?  Sweet.  I can’t say more because Pipez promised me that he would be writing about it today.

- Septimus Rex