The one where the new Dan and Dave lives in obscurity…

The World's Greatest Athlete. Recognize. Even if you don't (recognize him).

Remember Dan and Dave? How could you not? The decathletes hyped by Reebok and the quote unquote world’s greatest athletes. They were the hottest of hot pants in 1992. Then Dan didn’t make the olympic cut and people watched Dave halfheartedly, the other half of their heart being filled with sadness and tears. Watch this video, and remember:

One could make an interesting observation here about the similarities between the Dan/Dave hype and the Puppet LeBron/Kobe hype. In any case, the New York Times (the bastion of elite liberal godless media) had a great story about Bryan Clay, the gold medal decathlete and thusly owner of the world’s best athlete title. The Times makes a big deal about how normal his life is, and how strange that is considering the fleeting fame of Dan/Dave and the not-fleeting fame of Bruce Jenner, who has reinvented himself as a crazy father of entitled prima-donna promiscuous daughters. I don’t think it is strange considering I can only name two track athletes: Carl Lewis and Leeeerrrrooooy Burrell. In any case, Bryan Clay has the misfortune of a) it not being 1992 and b) not having a rival named Brandon or Braden. But he’s still the world’s greatest athlete. BTW, the “world’s greatest athlete” moniker came from King Gustav V of Sweden, who told Jim Thorpe “You, sir, are the world’s greatest athlete“, to which Thorpe replied “And you, sir, have a redundant V in your name. Pwnd!”.  I learned that on wikipedia.

On to your local Houston sports updates:

ASTROS: Beat the Cubbies 2-1 on a Geoff Blum walk-off single! Astros.com has great streaming video of it. Look out Pittsburg, we are creepin on and comin up, gunning for 5th place in the division!

TEXANS: In yesterday’s FAFU, Sexy Rexy broke the story reported that Owen Daniels is not reporting to OTAs. Owen apparently wants a “contemporary offer”. No, this doesn’t mean he wants to get paid in Euros or low-risk bond options or ”green dollars” or in cosmopolitans. Our frenemy Lance Zierlein at 1560 sagatiously pointed out that “contemporary” means “ridiculous Kellen Winslow money”.  That won’t work, Owen Deezey, and here is why: you’re not a soldier like Kellen Winslow. And just so I can’t be accused once again of riding on Rex’s coattails, here is an article about how Amobe Okoye wants more school. Save some for the rest of us, nerd.

ROCKETS: First, The Rookie is back on espn original digital figital or whatever it is called. Great. (Sarcasm.) Last year it was Michael Beasley buying a Maybach on credit (since he hadn’t been drafted yet) and getting inked up. This year it is Mr. Interesting as a Turd himself, Blake Griffin. The more I see of this guy, the more I can’t help but think Reginald Blackstone’s analysis is perfect. Griffin is precisely no more or less interesting than a turd. It isn’t turd > Griffin or turd < Griffin. It is turd = Griffin. At least Ricky Rubio would have had hot spanish girls following him around everywhere. I hope Griffin doesn’t enroll in the school of Tim Duncan personality development when he gets drafted because he can already ace that test, if you know what I mean. Poor guy. First he has no personality. And then on top of that he gets drafted by the Clippers. He should go back to school like one of those baseball players who is drafted in the 42nd round.

Secondly, here is a fantastic list of the best all-time lineups by state, meaning the state in which players were born and raised, and obstensibly on the playground is where they spent most of their days. The list is really great – PA and NY have easily the best teams, while FL has the softest team ever. Texas is in the mix with this strange lineup:

G – Micheal Ray Richardson
G – Bill Sharman
F – Grant Hill
F – Chris Bosh
C – Willie Naulls

DYNAMO: Dynamo win! Dynamo win! We beat Chivas USA 1-0 on “national television”. Stuart Holden got hisself a goal and we’re on a 4-game winning streak (that spans 8 months because the Dynamo play less often than WBC titleholders fight).

Hallelujah Holler Back.