I'm a real G shorty who can really find the sweet spot...provided that you point me in the general direction.

This week marks the 109th US open.  Once again, it will be played at the famed public course just outside of New York City.  A course so demanding, that amateurs and pros alike are warned about it before they even step on the tee. Bethpage Black will host the Open for the second time in just 7 years.  So who will win?  Similar to recent years, I’m betting the course will prevail yet again.

Who does not love the US Open?  Personally, anytime I can see a professional golfer lip out a 3 foot putt and have a bunker shot for their next, that is entertainment.  Okay, so that only happened at Shinnecock Hills in 2004, but still it was both fun and depressing to watch at the same time.  Bethpage is not quite as severe on the greens, but the fairways and the rough are where the men are separated from the bitches.

The last time the Open was played at the black course, there were 2 holes that many pros were having a hard time even reaching the fairway.  Simply put, they could not hit it far enough to get there.  That is right a professional golfer could not hit the fairway on 2 of the holes.  Though it should not surprise anyone.  New Yorkers are notorious for being bitter and wanting others to feel the pain and suffering of a city that gets destroyed in nearly every summer blockbuster.  Yes, New Yorkers don’t want no scrubs because a scrub is golfer who can’t get no love from them.  But is that any reason to take it out on these poor millionaires?

In all honesty, it has been the USGA that has imparted such great suffering over the last few years.  It seems in the last few years, it has been the goal of the USGA to reward the golfer, not who plays the best, but who sucks the least.  And to be honest, that is what makes it more exciting. Who will ever forget Lefty’s meltdown at Winged Foot in 2006.  It will be remembered forever.  For-ev-er.  FOR-EV-ER.

I’ve seen pictures of the course this year, and I must say it looks tight.  You can’t just hope to ram it down the fairway.  You have to be careful not to twist your shaft and take it slow.  Otherwise you’ll be playing out of the rough.  Okay enough with the sexual undertones.  The word on the street from some of the players is that while the course is playing hard, it playing a lot more fair than in 2002.  And that’s a good thing.

Personally, I don’t mind seeing the pros struggle one week out of the year.  It makes all of us feel better about our own game.  It’s kind of similar to how watching any speech by former President George W. Bush will make you feel better about your public speaking skills.

“Well hell, I can make a 3-footer.”  Yes asshole you can, but try it with the world watching and a million bucks on the line.  But I’ve personally witnessed Moose Knuckle hit every fairway in regulation before, so I know I’m better than the pros.

I’m calling my winner early this year.  David Duval qualified last week for the open and then went to the FedEx and missed the cut.  Needless to say, he’s in prime position to take it all homey.  Count this one as a lock.  I’d call Vegas if I were you.  You’re welcome Mr. Blackstone.  Of course, Duval’s fan will settle for the moral victory as well this week.  Here’s to making the cut David.  Make us proud.

Tiger Woods is back to defend his crown.  Not only is he the reigning champ from last year, but also reigning champ from the last time the open was played at Bethpage. No longer is he the Barbaro of the golf world with his ailing knee.  Instead, he is now the Secretariat (for you young readers, that is the greatest Triple Crown winner in history).  Of course, he’ll be near the top of the leader board, because that is what Tiger does.  No story here.

No the real story will be the Mine That Bird long shot that comes from deep in the pack to either win in surprise fashion or at least comes very close(and/or possibly craters at the end to lose in an extreme moment of drama). The Michael Campbell, the Todd Hamilton, the Rich Beem, the Jean Van de Velde, and of course the Roy McAvoy or Geoff Ogilvy.  Who will surprise us this year?

Welcome to the 2009 U.S. Open.

Say hello to your mother for me,

Moose Knuckle

[Photo from Yahoo! Sports - Andrew Redington/Getty Images]