Why Pipez’ city suckz…

#5. Dwayne Schintzius.

#4. Fat Latinas in David Robinson jerseys.

#3. The Alamo. Although I guess if you’ve never won anything, you have to celebrate losses for their moral victories.

#2. Cheating in the draft to get Tim Duncan, and then claiming a full title for the shortened season.

#1. Flopping foreigners who take the jobs of good, hardworking Americans.  Why do the hardworking latinos outside of Home Depot get deported but soft Frenchies and Argentinians get to stay? A travesty of justice.

On to your local Houston Sports Updates…

ASTROS: In the same state as the Comets.

ROCKETS: Undefeated.  Beat the once-removed World Champion Celtics 96-90. Joey Dorsey did what Joey Dorsey does (rebound, not shoot people while freestyling to the acoustic version of Thuggish Ruggish Bone).  David Andersen took over at the end of the game, even converting a sweet And 1 Dream Shake.  There were 102 free throws – look forward to marathon games this year with the replacement refs.  Jesus Shuttlesworth got pretty upset when the refs called his traveling hopstep in the 3rd quarter – look forward to stars bitching about their moves that are illegal but are never called.  Anyway, Aaron Brooks had 21 points but only 4 assists – is this a bad sign?  Trevor Ariza struggled again, but it’s early.  

TEXANS: Texans-Cards preview from CBS Sportz. Question – have we grown too accustomed to Gus Johnson calling our games?  Is it like eating steak every day (or in my case, Nerds Rope)?  Another question – how many “DNP – Swine Flu”s are we going to have this game?  By the way, raise your hand if you desparately picked up Mike Crabtree in fantasy to stash on your bench because your receivers are so weak?  (Raising my hand.)

DYNAMO: More like Dyna-NO.

COOGS: Generally up in arms about falling out of the Top 25.  But really, is there a huge difference at this point in the season between being ranked #22 and #27?  #12 was too high for us that early in the season – it was like a bubble, and bubbles burst. Prepare for our rankings-less recovery.

AEROS: 1 day, 9 hours, 2 minutes, 37 seconds until the start of the season!  Approximately the same amount of time until Rex shows up to Lakewood Church (or wherever they play now) with “Puck You” painted on his chest.

Pic from here.