It’s a slow news day, so here is what is on the horizon.

This weekend, the media decided to distract New Yorkers from the fact that the Jets won and the Giants lost by making a huge deal about Mark Sanchez eating a hot dog on the bench. It was such a big deal that Sanchez had to apologize for doing it. Here are my thoughts: 1. Why the fuck does anyone care that Sanchez eats a hot dog on the bench, you can’t go for 3 hours sitting on your ass watching football without eating, so imagine playing in the fucking game. 2. It’s not like he had a loaded baked potato, nachos with chili and cheese and extra jalapenos. 3. It’s not like it was JaFatty Russell eating the hot dog, last time I check Sanchez didn’t have a weight problem.

Actual quote from Reginald regarding Sanchez’s choice of mustard only: “Guess he needed to find a way to put a little more mustard on the ball”

This Saturday is Halloween. I’m sure all five of you reading this will be at the UH game (as will I). Please do not dress up for the game unless you fall into the following categories

1. You are hot and look slutty
2. You are a child
3. You have some sort of creative/funny costume that somehow applies to the game.

These rules apply to you even if you are a student. Coming to the game dressed as a vampire is about as cool as bringing a hookah to a tailgate… (wait, that really happens…shakes head). Also the game is at noon, save your costume for the costume parties later on.

NBA season opens tonight, and the Rockets are the big question mark in the league. No one knows what to expect of them. I will tell you what to expect. THEY WILL LOSE TO THE SPURS. The Spurs are just enough under the radar to win this year, and made the most improvements to their team, they have enough depth to cover for the inevitable Duncan/Ginobili injuries, and also to rest them throughout the season. Also, Simmons talked about loving the way the Spurs run their team, and picked them to win. Take that TRG!

Honey-crisp apples are at HEB! These are by far the best apples that man or god has created. I’m not sure who to give credit to here, so I will credit both. They have the crispy texture you want with the perfect balance of tartness to sweetness. This has nothing to do with sports, it’s just an important announcement. My advice, cut them up and slather them with peanut butter. You are welcome.

FaF has a crucial forthcoming announcement about next month. I cannot divulge the details, but let’s just say we are going to be raising awareness for a good cause all month. And no we are not wearing pink gloves or cleats.

Finally, UH is scared of our cook-off team. Our cookoff team captain received this email today:

Subject: Cougar Chili Classic Postponed
Date: Tuesday, October 27, 2009, 2:22 PM

Hello Lonesome Cookers!
Due to the lack of student participation we are postponing the cook off. Students did not want to cook chili at 8am go figure! If the cook off is not rescheduled we would like you to be our competitive team to beat Rice along with Chef Brent Gorman. I will let you know how things progress and whether or not there will be a competition. If you have questions feel free to email me or call me .

GO COOGS!
Courtney Anzalone
University Traditions Chair

Everyone just conceded victory to us. I would be scared of our amazing chili prowess too*. We are going to crush Rice in a chili cook-off. I don’t know who this “Chef Gorman” is, but I do know that we do not need him. I assume all chefs are douches, except one, and others may consider him a douche so I’m not sure my opinion counts. Either way, we don’t need this fucker trying to put rice in the chili thinking that its part of the competition, or that “its cute.” Nor do we need him trying to pull some “Top Chef” bullshit and deconstructing chili, by serving all the ingredients one by one, doing some “modern take on a traditional dish.”

*Our refers to one member of the cook-off team who actually cooks, not Pipez who stands around and drinks all day with an apron on, and a tasting spoon in hand.

October 27, 2009
Categories: Off the Cuff . . Author: Pipez

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