Each week we’ll dig deep to find the best dirt on the next opponent of the Houston Cougars. If you have any suggestions e-mail them to us (admin@fourthandfifty.com) and we’ll make sure to include them. Generic shit-talk is completely acceptable if not preferable.

It’s been a long wild ride so far, amirite, Coog fans? Here we/they sit at #15 in the country poised at making a run at the C-USA championship. All we have to do is hope for a UTEP loss and we’re home free… right? Right?

Wrong.

We need to get through the rest of our schedule. Southern Miss is ahead of us at a game that is way too early in the morning to get adequately prepared as a fan [read: drink until the only thing we yell is homophobic slurs]. But, we are not the lords of the domain of scheduling. You can thank Mack Rhoades for that… Or, maybe Dave Maggard… Or the NCAA… Fuck, or ESPN.  I really don’t even know who to blame.

But, the one thing I can do is help you get fired up for the game against Southern Miss a good 27 hours before the kick off. This is a VERY special edition of the O.E. (maybe that’s it… maybe I’ll do the Edward 40-Hands to prepare tomorrow). This is not special for any other reason except it’s productive by brevity. Can you guess what the one and only thing is that I’m going to write below?

1) FUCK YOU GOLDEN CHICKENSHITS!!! – The point is not that this happened at the end of the half. The point is not that we ended up winning the game by a score of 34-20. The point is not that we were the Conference USA champions in 2006. The point IS that you’re all (you and your football team) chickenshit little fucks. Why else would you think the below was a good “football play?”

Leave it to Houston fans to berate the fact that Art Briles (ART MOTHAFAWKIN BRILES) called a running play up the middle as time was waning and no timeouts left. We had to live through five years of weird (always) and ridiculous (most of the time) play calls. Hey, he brought our team back from the bowels of hell and propped it back on its feet. We still love him for that (kind of).

BUT, you, Southern Miss… You lacked tact, class and sportsmanship and literally were holding us down at the end of the half in order to run to the lockerroom cheering. CHEERING! Oh, you did such a good job laying on the ground on top of Anthony Aldridge. We berated the SMU Mustangs last week for the “cramp a vag” game plan… Yours was worse. Much, much worse. Let’s say this one more time, you ran off the field cheering because you were able to lay on the ground. That must be the hardest fucking football move of all time.

So, this and this alone should get you fired up for the game, Cougar fans. Yes, we won the game last time after the shitty clock-wasting tactics. But, don’t let that stop you from getting pissed.

No, I’m not just lazy because of the things I did last night. I really am just too pissed off to find anything else to write about. If the other guys want to come in behind me (no homo) and write a couple words about why Southern Miss are chickenshit fuckers then the floor is open to them.

- Septimus Rex