Oppenent Essentials: Miner Revenge

Each week we’ll go balls deep to find the best dirt on the next opponent of the Houston Cougars. If you have any suggestions e-mail them to us (admin@fourthandfifty.com) and we’ll make sure to include them. Generic shit-talk is completely acceptable if not preferable.

I just realized today was OE day, so excuse my brevity. I have to organize our tailgate for tomorrow. I’m sure the bottom posters can add to the list

Since UTEP spoiled our season last year, we have a little revenge on our minds. Even if Sumlin says he doesn’t think about revenge, the fact is he is 5-0 when losing to a team the season prior. I think Sumlin is just letting UTEP believe that we aren’t going to murder them Rice style.

Anywho, our list begins this year at #11, because last year we gave you the first 10 reasons UTEP sucks. Continue reading

Opponent Essentials: Texas State

Each week we’ll dig deep to find the best dirt on the next opponent of the Houston Cougars. If you have any suggestions e-mail them to us (admin@fourthandfifty.com) and we’ll make sure to include them. Generic shit-talk is completely acceptable if not preferable.

It really will be like playing a bunch of girls

The Cougars make their glorious return to football on Saturday against the lowly Div 1-AA (because we don’t like the term FCS) Southwest Texas Texas State Bobcats. It should be very one-sided contest since most of the school is still floating river, and generally speaking most people are above shit-talking a team in a lower league, but we aren’t. So here is what you need to know about Texas State. Continue reading

A Coogfans post Fire Joe Morgan style

Coogfans.... more like Coogfags

Bahbuttons
54 posts this site

Bahbuttons… What a cute name, and you only have 54 posts. What a noob! You are only 4,946 posts away from being taken seriously.

“Let’s try to pack the stands this year.” I think I just lost brain cells reading that. In fact, if I don’t get into medical school this year, I am blaming Coogfans for the countless brain cells I have lost reading statements like that.

“I would love to see a packed house every home game and not just the big ones.” Are you fucking kidding me? You are so fucking novel. Can you take over for Mack Rhoades as athletic director please? I can’t believe no one has ever thought to do that before. What’s the next step after that, “Let’s try to win all of our games this year?”

“We are a nationally ranked team and when we are shown on tv it would awesome for viewers to see and to hear the roar of the crowd backing our Coogs and Keenum’s Heisman run. “ Hey everyone, what if we all got together before the games this year and cooked food and had some beers, wouldn’t that be fun?

“The louder we are the more pumped the players get. “Did you know that it is customary to yell while your team is on defense to try to make the other offense mess up? WE SHOULD TOTALLY DO THAT!

“Let’s really support our Coogs this year and in the future. Bring a friend if you can and fill those stands.” Did you know that if we all brought one new friend to the game our attendance would double? THE MATH IS MIND BLOWING

“See you out there cheering my heart out.
GO COOGS!”
My heart might literally stop from cheering too hard. I might die this year from cheering for the Coogs. My little heart is going to be so tired in December from cheering because I bought tickets to all the home games this year. Did you know that you can do that and sit in the same seats for each game?

Houston Sports FaF Smear (7/27/10)

SOTD –  “Homecoming” The Teenagers

Aren't you supposed to schedule a homecoming opponent you can beat?

Well, Rice decided to make UH their homecoming game, isn’t that special. I guess they felt that they needed more motivation to play in the game this year besides the bayou bucket, and their 73-14 embarrassment last year. I mean they put up less effort than Northwestern St. a FCS school. They sure didn’t live up to their slogan “Fight, never die.” Also, Coach David Bailiff probably needed to rethink where he put the phrase “ball security” on their shorts. Fail.

The balls are on the other side Rice

Anyways, there was a lot of rookie drama this past weekend in the NFL. First Dez Bryant refused to carry Roy Williams’ shoulder pads saying “Bitch, I’m here to take your job, you should carry my shit!”* Also, Ravens rookie Sergio “Amazon” Kindle fell down, not 1, but 2 flights of stairs…. That’s pretty impressive. Not many details have been released, but this is what we know about Sergio Kindle

  • He was arrested for DUI in college
  • He had a second mysterious single car accident where he drove into a wall.
  • His dad is named Johnny Walker… Seriously.

Finally, Maurice Clarrett has wised up and, after being released from prison, he found the one place it is acceptable to carry booze around with you at all times (like he did at Bronco’s training camp). COLLEGE! That’s right, he has enrolled in fall classes at Ohio State. Also, in an unrelated story, Ohio State has a new walk-on running back named Claurice Marrett.

Here are your Houston sports updates. Let’s check it out.

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Houston Sports FaF Smear (7/26/10)

SOTD – “Doin Time” Sublime

UH pwns Rice!

It’s the doldrums of summer. Luckily this year we had the World Cup for the beginning of the summer. Now it’s all baseball all the time. Even ESPN is bored with baseball and had a front page picture of cycling, or at least that’s what I think it was since I can’t read. However, UH is still pwning Rice even in the offseason, according to the Chron. They’ve mailed in Rice’s homepage so bad that they’ve now started reporting more UH stuff.

However, fear not people, NFL training camps start this week. This means 2 things. 1) We will have something to talk about. 2) We can officially start researching fantasy football draft info. Hell I scheduled finishing my medical school applications around being finished in time to put 100% in to my fantasy football drafts. (That way I didn’t accidently submit a mock draft as an essay explaining what contribution I would make to the field of medicine).

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Houston Sports Lebron Smear (7/9/10)

SOTD – “Mr. Pitiful” Matt Costa

Traitor is spelled L-E-B-R-O-N in Cleveland

First of all, out of respect to Cavs owner Dan Gilbert, the rest of this post will be written in comic sans.

“The Decision” has been made, and unfortunately we were all witnesses last night. I have no dog in this fight since my 2 teams (Spurs and Rockets) were unaffected, but as an innocent bystander, I think the big loser is Lebron. I have family in the Miami area, so first I put myself in their shoes, which made me feel excited and kinda dirty, which is oddly appropriate since that is about how you feel any time you are actually in Miami. But, I couldn’t help but sympathize with the Cavs fans, since I was 15 in San Antonio when Tim Duncan was a young free agent. The HEB by my house, which he shopped at, hired a crane for 2 weeks to fly a “Stay Tim Stay” flag. Luckily for us he stayed and we won 3 more championships.

Ugh… that’s enough Comic Sans…. However, as a third party, Lebron’s choice says the following things to me:

 First, he doesn’t have the mental and testicular fortitude to put a team on his back and win a championship like his idle MJ. Before now, a younger superstar might have look to some past their prime veterans for the experience to help them win their first title, but never has a younger superstar had to join his peer or competitor to help. This was ok for the aging trio of Allen, Pierce and KG because their window was closing. If Lebron wants to be known as the best of his era, he needs to have the most titles, and as of right now he will be D-Wade -1. This isn’t something a dominant competitive player would do. MJ and Kobe are too obsessed with proving they are better than EVERYONE including their own teammates, and that’s what makes people respect them even more. Everyone likes someone who has a killer instinct and can SINGLE HANDEDLY crush the competition and rip their heart out. In my opinion, Lebron just made Kobe more likeable (yuck!).

Second, Lebron told the owners that it’s not ok for you to collude behind the players’ backs, but it is ok for the players to collude behind the owners backs.

Lebron is no “hero” for taking less money to play with D-Wade and Bosh. Maybe if he were taking less money to stay with the Cavs so they could pay some better players. Taking less money to play on another team is not something alpha dog players do. It is something other players do to play with the alpha dogs. This basically maginfies the big FUCK YOU he gave to Cleveland, whose main export is depression.

Finally, Lebron James is all that is wrong and evil about professional sports. As I argued earlier, we want to see fearless killers on the field of play in any sport, the hunger to win a title no matter who is on your team and what kind of underdog you are. Lebron just proved he just wants to win without working very hard at it, while being on a team with his friends, in a location where he can party all the time. Wait, all that sounds right up FaF’s alley… WHERE CAN I GET A LEBRON HEAT JERSEY?!

On to your Houston Sports Updates:

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ESPN Announces that NBA Announces New Rule Before LeBron Announces Announcing

"I like it in the butthole. Seriously."

Fourth and Fifty has gained information ahead of the announcement of LeBron James’ choice of teams later tonight. Before the hour-long special – the LeBronathon if you will – the NBA and David Stern will reveal some crucial changes to help The King make up his mind. With the signs pointing to LeBron joining the Miami Heat to play along side Chris Bosh and Dwayne Wade, Stern wanted to make sure to allow his youngest nova to flourish.

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