FaF Player Profile: Joel Przybilla


Looks like Houston has a new Public Enemy # 1: Joel Przybilla.

i h8 u!!!!1010101010

i h8 u!!!!1010101010

You’ve watched the series. You’ve seen the Przybilla flops, the grabasses, the dirty bumps, the rabblerousing and the righteous indignation every time a foul is called on him. I’m 100% sure he’s good for an undercut on Carl Landry at some point in this series. That guy should totally be on the Jazz. Those racist Salt Lake City folks would love them some big white Joel Przybilla. If you read the racist Jazz fan link, I hope you agree that the guy who did that to Derek Fisher should go to hell. Seriously.

Back to the lecture at hand (1:20 into the video). Here are some fun facts about Przybilla.

He actually received a Defensive Player of the Year vote (for third place, but still). If this doesn’t speak to the need for transparency in the voting process, I don’t know what does.

He was drafted by the Rockets.  Before you start freaking out, remember this was the Matt Maloney/Bryce Drew era. His wikipedia page also says he was pursued by “several teams” when he became a free agent in 2005-2006, but re-signed with the Blazers because he is “extremely loyal”. Didn’t they fix wikipedia from all the problems it was having a few years ago?  College kids – this is reason enough as to why you should never cite wikipedia on a paper.

His tan is fake and bake.

His older brother played in the NBA.

His younger brother starts at point guard for the Blazers.  This makes the travel schedule much easier on Mrs. Przybilla so she can see her boys play.  She’s so proud of Joel and Stephen.

He has a Facebook page. One of the many reasons to keep your kids away from the internet.  It is strange that he has so few friends, being a starting basketball player in one of the most rabid sports towns in America.  I almost have that many, and I’m an antisocial bastard that no one likes!

He was in the Army for a brief period of time, but was kicked out over a jelly donut.

He was a white supremacist in college.

But then he went to prison and found Jesus.

UPDATE —  He is a clean and righteous player on a mission from God to uphold decorum and gentility on the court:


If you have other fun facts about the Big Spell Check, please feel free to post them in the comments section.


  1. yeah, this guy is way worse than Danny Ainge ever was…..

  2. hes also a recent graduate of the john stockon school for the performing arts…

  3. Listen, the worst thing to happen is that someone goes to Facebook and befriends Joel. If you go there, please just look around and leave. If you need to befriend a stiff, pick Zaza Pachulia or someone. I’m not trying to overestimate the reach of our humble blog, but if he gets even one new Facebook friend from this post, then the terrorists have won. Please love your country and freedom – the freedom to not become friends with Joel Pryzbilla.

    • bad news, he has gotten one new friend because of you… you are helping his popularity

    • Lol, make that 2 new friends for the the hardest working player in the NBA.

  4. First of all, how about you spell his name right.

    Joel works with what he’s given. The refs call plenty of BS on him so if you can’t beat em, join em. Joel sometimes does what your clown Scola does on nearly EVERY play.

    Your team is full of whiny, flopping babies.

    The real Joel Przybilla fan page has thousands of followers. Watch out, or they’ll getcha.


  5. Are you actually complaining about Jazz fans being racist? You guys are from Texas….

    Before you continue your rant about how unlikeable Joel is you should consider the fact that you root for Yao Ming, arguably the most boring and unlikeable player in the League. Somehow Rockets fans have made Joel out to be the 2009 version of Vlade Divac. I’ll admit that on once occasion last night he flopped. What you aren’t taking into consideration is that Yao got Greg Oden called for a BS foul earlier in the game. They way I see it that was Tick for Tack. Stop complaining and just root for your team. Maybe they will get our of the first round this year.

  6. Oh, and for those of you visiting our humble abode from Portland, two things.

    First, you have a good team that is very likable, with the exception of the Big Spell Check. This is the first time I can remember not absolutely hating whomever the Rox were playing, especially the Jazz and the Mavs. I adopted your team as my secondary team for the year (I adopt one other team per year, usually in the Eastern Conference) after Bayless tore up Vegas. Roy is delightful, Oden is self-deprecating, and Big Soft LMA is from Tejas, so we can’t hate too much. Even your Euros and skinny 3s are fun to watch.

    Second, it isn’t my fault Przybilla spells his name all fucked up. No one in Houston even noticed that. Keep your rabble down to a minimum – you’re losing in 6 regardless of how his name is spelled.

  7. The Big Classy in action: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=atZY7MZ0FfM

    You guys should be proud. We’ve got the only good thing to ever come from Oregon: Aaron Brooks.

    • the randon guy, chandler hit him in his BROKEN risk that he was playing through

    • actually he’s from Seattle…..he went to Franklin HS.

      206 4Life

  8. You killed Mutombo. He was our Creed. Now we’re going to have to train in the snow and climb a mountain in order to pound you into defeat, so that “we can all change” and defeat communism.


  9. Come on man, Army? Full Metal Jacket is a Marines movie. Oh yeah, Random Guy, Aaron Brooks is from Seattle.

    • He went to school in Oregon. He came out of Oregon and went in to Texas. Ergo ipso facto, foolz.

      He’s from Shadow Creek Ranch near Pearland Texas. That’s who he’s repping. He’s all about the Pearland Petsmart.

      I should have remembered that about Full Metal Jacket, Sergio Rodriguez having the haircut and all: http://blog.oregonlive.com/blazers/2007/07/rodriguez_green.jpg

  10. wow, real readers

  11. So do you guys like each other or not? I feel like the Blazers and Rockets fans here are like the 5th grade boys and girls on the playground throwing rocks at each other, because they secretly like each other but don’t know how to cope with these new “funny” feelings.

    • People from PDX are generally okay. They like good beer and Subarus and PDX has some of the best golf in the country.

      They do tend to sterotype us as a bunch of hillbilly rednecks though.

      (I own property in the Pacific NW so I get up there once a year or so.)

  12. Talk about selective editing. Go back a few seconds before that video clip starts, and you’ll see Chandler take two cheap shots at Joel’s broken wrist.

    Blazers in 5.

    • I’ll bet you a case of Inversion IPA that you don’t win in 5.

      • my friend, I need to mail you some good beer to bet with. Pryz is alright, he’s been asked to be the enforcer on the team. Portland has had to work to be taken seriously and Joel is one of the reasons.

        Houston is a good team and this series will be interesting. 5 games either way seems a bit ridiculous. Just watch your earned home court advantage over the next two games Rox.



    it’s sad that other teams have to talk smack about any blazers just so they will get the many hits from the expanding blazersnation bandwagon. blazersnation rules the net on the web and on the hardwood.

    • why are you people so infatuated with hard wood?

  14. Loving this site. Regardless of the flop fest and Yao not getting the ball, this series is fun!

    Check out this blog about how I feel about Tuesdays game. While reading, remember Van Gundy will be commentating in Fridays game.


  15. Blazer Fans,

    OK, here’s my mea culpa. Hurts me to say it, but here goes:

    – You folks are pretty okay. Maybe I was so defensive because I’m accustomed to dealing with mouth-breathing Jazz fans. But you guys are pretty cool.


    I hate to say that. It feels so foreign…like my maid. But I digress.

    Portland fans made a point to send tons of Mutumbo condolences/best wishes. Plus they gave him a standing ovation as he was wheeled off the court.

    Thanks for being classy….or classy”er”. (Granted, Jazz fans set the bar pretty low.)

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