Daily FaF Smear (4/27): Cush-Lash and Casey

The one where we’ve got Cush-Lash, and so does James Casey.

Good job Texans - Cushing was #4 on the Man Boobs Draft Board

Good job Texans - Cushing was #4 on the Man Boobs Draft Board

By now you know that the Texas drafted Brian Cushing, a personal trainer from Bally’s, in the first round.  Guess who broke the story?  Us who, that’s who.  Between the mouth-breathing and the man-tits, I couldn’t be happier.  Keep an eye out for Wanks’ Massive Badass Comprehensive Psychoanalytical Video/Graphic Intensive Draft Recap later today.  As the caption states, Brian Cushing was #4 on the Robert Paulson Man Boobs Draft Board.  Andre Smith was the consensus #1 – the video is disturbingly erotic.  The Raiders’ 3rd round pick was #2.

Come on imdb and/or youtube, get the Jerry McGuire Cush-Lash scene up.  Cush lash, Cush lash, cushlashcushlash Cuuush laaassh!

James Casey, one of the new Texans, just graduated from Nerd to the NFL.  My Antipathy turned to Admiration.  Alliteration, y’All!  Casey is a badass, but the video breaks the youtube rule of always using Aux Lunera (the Requiem for a Dream song, better known as Ass to Ass) for highlight compilation.  Who wants soft rock songs?  Hardcore gangsta rap or Aux Lunera.  Get your head in the game, youtube-posting James Casey lover.

Here are your local Houston Sports Updates:

Rockets – Won 89-88, and my ulcer graduated to a kidney stone.  Shane Battier!  Last year I had a Battier for Undersecretary of Labor shirt made.  The joke is, Cabinet heads are appointed, not elected.  Hahahaha!  During the broadcast, Clyde Drexler said that Shane was having two good games offensively.  That’s why he gets paid the big bucks.  Clyde also dropped a “This is why they play the regular season – to get to the playoffs.”  Thank God – I thought the season was over and was wondering why the Rox were scrimmaging.  Clyde is a damn sage.  Lastly, is there any way to start the games earlier?  Me stay up to watch the game and not be a zombie the next day?  That’s unpossible!

Sorry about the vertigo-inducing clip.  Youtube is letting me down today.

TexansDraft recap.  The third and fourth round picks seems really smart.  I’ll be the teacher from A Christmas Story grading Ralphie’s Red Ryder BB Gun paper: A+++++++++++++.

Sealy, TX – This is probably better left for an FAFU, but one tangent per smear seems permissible.  Last week it was ninjas vs spartans.  This weekend, we went to Austin for a draft party wedding shower and on the way back we unfortunately stopped to feed Random Baby outside of an Exxon in Sealy.  In the water-closet (that is Wanks-speak for restroom) some guy had written OBAMA with a magic marker, and then he and several other mensa members urinated on it.  It looked like it had been there for a while.  Let me first state that I am not a leftist like Dr. Denver Comrade (if he ever joins our forum).  But during the Bush years, Sen. Cornyn actually introduced legislation charging MoveOn with sedition for taking out a bad pun ad against Gen. Petraeus.  Granted, no one has a larger stick up their ass than MoveOn.  But now it’s ok to pee on the President, or email pictures to friends so they can print them out and then throw them away, or put his face on a dartboard and/or range target, or create website networks dedicated to deducing whether he is the antichrist?  (I‘m not linking to any of this shit to prevent inadvertently sending any traffic their way – that’s how Joel Przybilla gains friends – look in the comments section.)  No wonder everyone in Portland thinks we’re racist.

Astros – Beat the Makers of Beer 4-3.  I’m sorry to be Debbie Downer, does it really matter? It  ain’t our year.

Coogs – As Rex mentioned yesterday, standout Sebastian Bach Vollmer was selected by the Patriots in the second round.  I’m juiced because every Patriots’ second round pick automatically goes on to make 5 Pro Bowls.  Also, as the article mentions, UH’s second round picks are doing quite well, and will be doing even better when Philly kicks McNabb out to make room for Special K-Squared.  Lazy of me to essentially replicate yesterday’s post?  PUCK YOU (see Aeros).

Dynamii – On bed rest because of first trimester menstrual issues.

AerosGame 7 tonight in Peoria.  PUCK YOU, Rivermen.  And all you Peoria fans can SHUT THE PUCK UP.  Feel free to GO PUCK YOURSELVES.  MOTHERPUCKERS.

Rice – Good for James Casey! Nope, Mr. Youtube didn’t change the music since the top of this post.  Noob.  Also good for Jarett Dillard.  Don’t worry, fearless FaF reader, we’ll get back to hating the nerds tomorrow.

Photo from: http://flashwarner.com/2006/07/what_happened_to_brian_cushing.html


  1. Sorry that the pic didn’t load early on. I’m never using Safari again. Damn you Macintosh and your beautiful tools that don’t work with anything else ever.

  2. Someone left a link to this site on chron.com
    Man is this outhouse-of-the-web a waste of time!

    • I thought the point of the web was being a haven for time-wasting and porn.

    • Thanks for the complement! if you only knew how much time we waste here on a daily basis…

      • You know what else was a huge waste of time. Having sex with Lazarus’ mom and girlfriend. I did it as a favor, so they would know what it was like to be with a real man.

      • reggie, you’re assuming he is man enough to have a girlfriend. big assumption there.

  3. Lazarus, you know what is not a waste of time? http://thingsididlastnight.com/
    That’s what.

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