The FAFU: Fat Bastards, Whores, and Your Average Life

The FaFU is the best link “dump” that you’ve never seen before.  It’s a mix of sports, pop culture and complete and utter nonsense all mixed up like bad seafood in your stomach, and then BOOM! exploded out like diarrhea running down your leg… Please excuse our self-defecating humor.


10) Fatties – You are a nuisance to society. You make America look bad, and you are very responsible for the rising cost of health care because of your fucking heart attacks, diabetes, and Rascal’s because you are too lazy to walk around fucking Kroger. They shouldn’t give you handicapped parking spots, they should give you fat person parking spots, 2 blocks away so you can burn some calories. Now you have to go and try to get fatter with websites like this one and this one?

9) Tony Horton – I fucking hate you! I fucking hate you so much! You are a complete tool. I guess I should expect this from the guy who developed a workout program that sells on an infomercial. I can only complete your P90X workouts knowing that you will not make any money off of me because I am mooching off someone, who is mooching off someone who is dumb enough to buy this system. And also so I don’t become someone from #10.  So every time you make comments like “Tip of the day: don’t smash your face, let someone else do that for you” or “What’s wow upside down? MOM!” or you nickname someone “Pam the Blam” you have a punch in the face coming.

8) This link banned in Kansas – Everyone, say hello to your great great great (probably great to the 1000th power) grandmother, whose fossilized remains have been newly discovered

7) Whores – Everyone loves them! Even people who are “disgusted” by them are secretly jealous and entertained by them at the same time. That’s why they get their own shows like “Rock of Love,” Real Housewives of [City]”, “Girls Next Door”,  “The View” and they get to be on the radio too. Well now, all your favorite playmates are officially whores too! In an unrelated story, can anyone loan me $3,000?

6)Seth MacFarlane – Damn you and your comedic cartoon genius! I will for sure be picking up Seth MacFarlane’s Cavalcade of Cartoon Comedy on DVD. BTW, do you think this is an aggie’s dream? (Vid has some nasty awesome language, probably NSFW, and by probably I mean definately)

5) LeBron Fucking James – Who do you think you are? You think you are sooooo good at basketball because you can make shots like these and these? Please son, step off. If I weren’t 5’10”, white, fat, and lazy I could do that too.

4) Rachel Alexandria – Apparently pictures have surfaced that may lead to her crown being revoked. (Another link that may turn on some Aggies)

3) Billy Mays –PIPEZ HERE! You know there is nothing more American than the Infomercial, and Billy Mays was always the #1 infomercial salesman in our hearts, and therefore the best American. We may have had a fling with Vince before he punched a whore in the face (also American!), but Billy reminded us he’s our favorite with his three ESPN commercials. BUT WAIT THERE’S MORE! Since you are a patriot and you love Billy Mays as much as we do here is some bonus Billy Mays material for you to celebrate July 4th early with!

2) George Brett – Was in the news this week for dropping some F-bombs on the local news… Whatever. The real story here is that George Brett doesn’t give a “shit” when he is miked up. This may be old news, but when have poop jokes ever gotten old? George Brett’s Browns fall short of the Super Bowl

1) MLIA – First we brought you, then it was, but what if you don’t have some crazy story about how your life sucks? What if you don’t go out with your friends and a get shit faced and send stupid texts to each other at 2:30 AM, as you all leave the bars? Well then, here’s the site for you! MLIA (if you have never ventured to any of those sites before, consider your day officially ruined… No more work for you)


  1. Don’t you ever say that about Tony Horton! I will quit this job! I will quit and move to Cullen and Calhoun, or whatever the name of that other blog is. You hear me? If I have to choose between you and Tony Horton, your ass is grass! I’ll put up a blog called 5th and 40, just to steal market share from you! I’ll call all your readers and offer them 6 months free even thought it will cripple my cash flow! I will sell my body in the 3rd Ward to raise money to buy guns to shoot you with! I’ll ending sentences with prepositions! You can’t call off the dogs of war! I am Spartacus! King Kong ain’t got shit on me! I have a bookshelf made of fine mahogany!

    • Wow, someone needs to take a chill pill remove Tony Horton’s “D” from their “A”

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