1/18, 1/19, and 1/20 Houston Sports FaF Smears

Songs of the Days: Lonely Island – “Like a Boss”

Don't cry for me FaFentina

Awwwww, did you guys miss us? Did you think that we left you under the cover of night like the Colts from Baltimore? Trust me, we considered it. We’re coming up on our Anniversary for Fourth and Fifty and none of us have seen the payback that we expected. There has been no stacks of greenbacks. Katie Couric has not given us a call to do an expose on the founders. And the hos… well, there have been and always will be the hos. They just can’t give up the FaF lovin’, but that’s been true since the first day I unsheathed my pen(is).

It was just a little miscommunication that kept us from our loyal followers of the interwebz. Pipez neglected to mention he was going to suck at life for two days. Josh was too busy “being Josh.” And, Wanks MacGruber and Reginald Blackstone haven’t even read the site they helped form since early October. Such are the perils of swagtastic blogging.

If you were worried, we’re sorry. To comfort you in this time of need, you should know that JBJ is still up to his old tricks. Thank God he’s just not pulling them over here on FaF. Did you want to read a ridiculously long and uninformed review about Modern Warfare 2? I knew you were going to say “yes.” That’s why I’m linking it here. Looks like JBJ even stole my formula for numerous “ed. notes”… Hey, JBJ. When you’re the only writer, there is no editor. The whole muthafawkin’ thing is an ed. note. And, by the looks of it you have about 19 hundred words of editorial notes.

So we’re back in the swing of things once again. Just to catch you up: All is right with the world again as the Cowboys exited the playoffs this weekend. What’s an NFL offseason without an implosion in the Big D? Boring, that’s what it is. The suicide rate in Wisconsin is about to spike come February when Favre wins the Super Bowl. If someone fulfills the outlandish, ego-fluffing, comments that he makes, can we even call it “hubris”, because Rex Ryan (after squeaking into the playoffs) is living up to the expectations only he could set. University of Texas fell to the curse of the #1 losing to Kansas State whom surprisingly have maintained a good team after the Marcus Beasley era. I did not see that one coming. And, I’m sure other sportsy-type stuff happened too, but whatever. All you guys are going to do is talk about the coogs in the comments. So, let’s move on.

You Houston sports updates await:

ASTROS – Bourn, Lindstrom and Quintero will be remaining with the Astros after signing one-year contracts with the ‘Stros and avoiding arbitration. Yes, we’re only tens of days away from the start of spring training. Believe you me, we’ll be putting the same amount of emphasis on the MLB in OH10 as we did in ’09. That means we’ll be writing about it less that 7% of the total content on this site.

KEVIN KOLB – Let the revolution begin! The NFL off-season will not solely be entertaining watching Dallas do what they wont to do. The Philly QB Revolution is upon us. On one side, the ancient, yet enduring Donovan McNabb. If Rush Limbaugh can’t take you out then nobody can take you out. On the other, Kevin Kolb who has the young players’ vote. Let me put it to you this way. In this scenario Kevin Kolb is the white, quarterbacking equivalent to Obama. He has the young voters, a massive grassroots campaign, and an incumbent that has proved on his last legs. This will end well if you’re a Kevin Kolb fan. It will also end in a different city then Philadelphia. You’re starting quarterback for the Seattle Seakhawks, The Kolbatron.

TRACY McGRADYTo the Bulls? Sure, why not.

RICE UNIVERSITY – Jordan Taylor has committed to the Owls. This means nothing at all to you. Discuss.

UNIVERSITY of HOUSTON – Kliff Kingsbury may not be your new offensive coordinator, but he got hizself a little promotion over the weekend. Oh, and going back to that Dana Holgorsen leaving the program thing that we talked about on Friday… Yeah. We were right, you were wrong. Feels good, don’t it? Adding fuel to the recruiting fire, Jim Jeffcoat is staying in Houston to coach the atrocious D-Line next season. What this means for his son’s decision? I have no clue… But, it definitely keeps the Coogs in the Jeffcoat sweepstakes for a couple more weeks.

– Septimus Rex


  1. Michael beasley, you dolt. I did the Ed notes for goldfish’s section of mw2, not that I am beyond a schizophrenic self conversation. And expect a post at some point with more dumbass play on words nicknames

    • So, what you’re saying is that Goldfish isn’t allowed to have an opinion unless you keep “last word authority” over it. I guess that would make Goldfish the Power Bottom. Mr. Fish? Your thoughts?

      • Free Tibet?

  2. Let me help fill in the blanks also:

    -You missed the ‘article’ about Texans raising ticket prices for next year. I think they are trying to cash in on some good competition coming to Houston next year, mainly the Dallas Cowboys. Heh, we get it…Either that or the league (by gracing them with an easy schedule last year = 9 – 7) decided to drop kick them back into reality.

    -You missed the fantastic blurb about Ray Horton (D-back coach for the Steelers) being interviewed by the Coogs for the DC spot. Say what you will, he would be a fantastic hire.

    -No bashing of Wade on his once again BLAH approach to fielding a decent team this year? He has no long term deals in place for his young talent, Bourne (go Coogs) and Pence? Way to set your team up to be garbage with no pitching this year.

    -Ahhh baseball. The one that starts with a PING! UofH baseball to start and I do think that Noble is on the hotseat. Having had good teams in the early ’00’s we have settled into not much in the last few years. The attendance has dwindled, I know b/c I have bee there, and there is no real excitement surrounding the team. The A.D. might have something to say about this at the end of the year, if not sooner depending on how things go.

    -BBall tonight against UCF, and Case gets a trophy for being BADAZZ!

    -And for your obligatory snipe on Dallas, what would the postseason be without another full steam ahead campaign by your texans to get to the offseason? Just a regular year for the hometeam. The offseason is 2 weeks strong for the texans fans, ya’ll can start talking about Super Bowl aspirations soon enough…on the heels of 9 -7.

    My New Year’s resolution? To comment about UofH 101%(FAF math) more than before.

    • My New Year’s Resolution is to listen to exactly negative 0% of what your comments suggest.

      Technically, I can’t “miss” stuff since I did exactly 10 minutes of googling to write the Smear this morning. It’s that kind of dedication that keeps Fourth and Fifty afloat.

    • Oh the Astros. What I am excited about is I will be done with them by late July, so I will still have half the summer to go out, see my friends, and salvage my relationship with my wife before football season starts.

  3. You know us so well, Septimus. It’s a good thing we only talk about the Coogs because, despite the nut you found on DH, you’re still a blind squirrel on Cullen Blvd. Matangi Tonga committed, ensuring that the Houston D-Line will be at least one order of magnitude less atrocious than last season. If Jackson joins him (which, thankfully, is still a possibility), the heads of statisticians following the Cougars will explode along with those of every OC in C-USA West. It’ll be messy.

    • A mess I would be glad to clean up.

    • And we all know Trey Lover is the master nut finder on Cullen. At least that’s what Johnny Weir says.

  4. If Horton is the new DC then our defense will switch to a 3-4, and if Jeffcoat and Tonga are two-thirds of the D-Line, it might not be so atrocious next year. Whammy!!!

    • Just imagine Jeffcoat, Hunter, and Tonga bum rushing opposing QB’s (yes homoz). It’s a Coog Wet Dream.

      • Rushing?!?! Not so much….but SACKING(super-homoz) YES!

  5. Isn’t Jordan Taylor that girl who won American Idol?

    Sumlin has agreed to terms, but has not signed. His deal is lucrative, it’s exciting, and it’s ready to be entirely overthrown by someone from the Pac-10 or Big 12 in exactly 1.4 years. If we go to 10 wins again in 2010, I expect him to leave.

    On a good note, I just saved a ton of money on my car insurance.

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